How Not to Apologize

In the leadership module that I teach at university, we place much emphasis on the ability to apologize, because people simply don't trust leaders who can't apologize. Also, they need to apologize correctly. That implies that there's a right and a wrong way to apologize.

And in private practice, when working with couples, I've often heard one of the gripes being the way the other person apologizes. The almost standard tagline is: "If she/he says it like this, they don't mean it." (The language is usually slightly more colorful.) Or, "If they say it like that, it's not an apology."

At work, and in our personal relationships, apologies can go wrong because our tone of voice or body language conveys reluctance to apologize. Not to even mention how wrong it can go in an email! The problem with the latter is that you can't see the person or hear them – all you can go by is the words and the tone of the email. (Yes, emails do have a tone of voice.)

Apology No-Nos and Do-Overs

While a sincere apology can repair damage to your relationships and reputation, a bad or false apology can fan the flames and do even more harm than the very thing you're apologizing for! So, here are some common apology mistakes, and how to avoid them:

Mistake 1: An apology with a "but" is not an apology – it's a justification or an explanation, and you're not likely to learn from the experience. "I'm sorry, but I was in a bad space," might sound like an apology, but it's a justification.

Instead, say, "I'm sorry for what I said/did. I was in a bad space, but that didn’t make it OK for me to put you on the receiving end. How can I make it up to you?"

Mistake 2: An apology that begins well but ends poorly is not an apology – it's often argumentative. "I'm sorry I did it. It happened because of how you spoke to me…" Can you hear the toxic cycle of a new argument being born here? I certainly can!

Instead, try: "I'm sorry I said that. Even though I didn't like your tone of voice, it wasn't necessary for me to react to it. How can we do it differently in future?" (We need to understand that it is a two-way street at times, without apportioning blame.)

Mistake 3: Then there's the old intent issue… "I'm sorry, it was never my intent to hurt you." I'm not sure what you're apologizing for if you say this. It wasn't your intent that hurt me – it was your action, and that's what you should be apologizing for. No one argued your intent.

It's more effective to say, "I'm sorry for what I did and that I caused you hurt. What can I do to make it better?"

Mistake 4: The passive–aggressive apology is particularly cruel. It may sound like this: "I'm sorry you feel that way." Here's the problem: you can't be sorry for how another person feels – it's a way of using the words "I'm sorry," but without any investment in the apology.

If you're truly sorry, say, "I'm sorry my words/actions had such an effect on you. I will be more aware of what I say and how I say it in future."

An apology needs to be sincere. It needs to show that the person apologizing is taking responsibility for what they did or said, showing remorse, and sharing how they intend to make amends going forward.

After the Apology

This might shock you: an apology is not enough. An apology is but the first step. After the apology, it's necessary to show, by how you speak and behave, that you're putting in the work to change.

An apology without change is lip service. I call it window-dressing. You want to make it look right without actually fixing it – that's a time-consuming and pointless exercise.

Being able to apologize sincerely, without getting defensive or huffy, is a sign of maturity and strength. It shows that you're not too big or important to be vulnerable, too.

So, just apologize – it'll take the sting out of it. (Thanks, Mom!)

Let's Continue the Conversation!

We'll be hosting an #MTtalk Twitter chat on Wednesday, June 19 @ 12 noon ET. Anyone can join! Follow us on Twitter, type #MTtalk in the Twitter search function, and click on "Latest" – you'll then be able to follow the live chat feed. You can participate chat by using the hashtag #MTtalk in your responses. 

On Thursday, June 20 at 11 a.m. ET, members of our Career Community Facebook group will be able to join a 20-minute Facebook live conversation and question session. 

Then on Friday, June 21, we will release a short coaching video on our Mind Tools Coaching Hub on LinkedIn which is exclusive to Mind Tools members.  

We'd love to hear from you in any of these channels. Please share your thoughts, anecdotes and ideas with us on the topic of apologies.

If you liked this blog, you may be interested in the following resources:

How to Apologize
Mutual Respect
Toxic: A Guide to Rebuilding Respect and Tolerance in a Hostile Workplace
Keeping Your Word at Work
8 Keys to Eliminating Passive-Aggressiveness
Authenticity

About the Author:

Yolandé has been part of the Mind Tools team since 2008 and she uses her 20+ years of experience as a therapist, coach, facilitator, and business school lecturer to help people develop their careers and live up to their potential. She thrives on facilitating conversations designed to build bridges between people by using creative questioning and thinking techniques. You might mistake her for a city girl, but Yolandé is an honorary game ranger, loves birding, archaeology, and spending time in the African bush. Early morning runs with her rottweiler and reading (a lot) are her favorite activities. And, her neighbors will tell you that she loves the kitchen and it gives her joy to "bake" people happy. 

The post The Anatomy of Apologies appeared first on Mind Tools.

Getting a new job can be exciting, confidence-building and a little bit nerve-wracking. It means you performed well at your interview and showed your potential new employer that you have the drive, talent, qualifications, and values that they want and need. And now they want you to be a part of their team.

But, let's rewind a bit to that moment when you're waiting with bated breath to hear whether or not you've made it through...

Before the Job Offer 

Before you receive that job offer, you've had at least one successful interview and there could be a subsequent one for final candidates. Keep interviewing until you receive an offer that you like. If you haven't already, send a thank-you note to the recruiter for your interview. 

When an organization is considering you seriously for a position, it may request or require that you complete or have a successful background check, credit report, driving record, toxicology screening, immigration status, and/or security clearance. 

At this point, getting that job is becoming more of a real possibility, so this is a prime opportunity to revisit your goals and values. Be honest with yourself. How do your personal goals align with the role? Will this position fulfill what you want and need? How well do the company's values align with yours? 

Either they fit or they do not. There's no need to force them. A "forced fit" will likely make you unhappy and result in you moving on much faster than if you went for a role that really suits you. If you discover that your values don't align with the company or position, feel empowered to officially withdraw from consideration.

Otherwise, continue!

Negotiating a Job Offer

Since you know what the salary range should be and what you want, you'll recognize it when you hear or see it in a job offer. If you get to the stage of salary negotiation, don't be afraid to push back to get what you want and deserve, but be reasonable.

But, it's not all about salary. There are other things to consider when nailing down that job offer too. For example:

• Expected attire, appearance, and frequency – are there any dress-down days?
• Daily work location – will you be located in-office full time, or are there hybrid or virtual working opportunities?
• What's the work/hour mix – will you be required to work standard hours? Or are their options for compressed working or part-time hours?
• Is there any relocation assistance (if necessary)? And, if you do need to relocate, will there by a timeframe allotted to adjust to your new city/country/time zone?

After the Job Offer 

Congratulations! You've finally made it! The company has offered you the job and you have the written confirmation.  When circumstances allow, it's usually a good idea to secure a new job before leaving your old one.   

If you don't already know, ask the recruiter to describe a typical week for your role to gain a clearer view of how your function fits into the department and organization's success. Each company is different. 

Also, ask them how much time you have time to consider the job offer, and to give your current employer notice of your departure.

When you do hand in your notice, remember to unsubscribe, update, or switch your work information with any outside suppliers and contacts while you still have access. 

Some organizations conduct an exit interviews, which are a great opportunity to reflect on your previous role, and identify what went well and what didn't. Also, be sure to follow your current employer's protocols for the clean and safe transfer of information and/or property for your replacement, to ensure a smooth handover.

Leave on good terms whenever possible, even if things have been difficult in the past – you want to be able to leave with your reputation intact, knowing you did your best.

I remember one job that I resigned from... I had been butting heads with my new, immediate manager but I was still on excellent terms with our department director (who had known me longer and better), so I had no worries when it came to references. 

Don't "slam the door" or "burn the bridge" as you exit, because you may need or want to return one day. One of my former recruiters was short-staffed during the holiday season and needed some experienced help. Since I was still on great terms with some employees there and was temporarily available, they asked if I'd be interested and I accepted the offer! It always helps to leave the door open, whenever possible.

Getting a New Job: The First 90 Days 

So, you've received the job offer, accepted it, and now have an official starting date. What's next? Documentation to read, many forms to complete, and 90 days to prove you belong at the company. 

Once you know where to report to on your first day, use the following tips to prepare yourself for your first day:

• Get enough sleep and eat a sensible meal the night before.
• Plan how you'll get there – what journey will you need to take and how long will it last?
• Wear comfortable shoes for a possible building tour. 
• Dress appropriately. (Unless told otherwise, remember what your recruiters were wearing in your interview.) 
• Explore what's in the area – where could you go to grab a coffee, go for a stroll or get something to eat?
• Identify the nearest drug store/pharmacy. 
• Bring pocket-sized snacks for your orientation meetings. (Food may or may not be available and you wouldn't want to get light-headed.) 

The Admin of Getting a New Job

While you may want to get stuck in straight away, getting a new job also often comes with a lot of paperwork, which can be overwhelming. Some offer letters will provide details of what to bring with you on your first day (for example, photo ID, previous employment records). If in doubt, "bring your life!" 

• Be "camera-ready" for your company photo identification badge and remember your angles. 
• Bring identity documents, such as your birth certificate, passport, citizenship documents, and immigration verification. 
• Have financial information to hand for electronic fund transfer of your paycheck. 
• Have spouse, household, or next-of-kin info, for insurance and retirement savings documents. 
• Bring medical letters confirming special needs and accommodations for seen or unseen disabilities. 

Depending on your new job, you'll likely need to sign specific legal and other "acknowledgment-of-understanding" documents such as: 

• NDAs (non-disclosure agreements).
• Branding guidelines and intellectual property.
• Company handbooks.
• Code of conduct.
• Ethics statements.

Your human resources or in-house general counsel can interpret and explain if there's something you don't understand. If you need to verify details with family members, don't be afraid to ask how long you have to complete certain documents, and if you can bring them back later. 

Living and Building the First 90 Days in Your New Job

Your experience, skills, and personality got the attention of the recruiter and eventually landed you the job, but now you are in a new environment. There will be a time and place to apply your capable skills, but first, you must show that you are open to listening, understanding, and learning all about the culture. 

Onboarding is the process companies use to "bring on board" newly hired talent, and introduce them to their policies, procedures, rules, resources, and team. This process may include specialized training unique to the company or position.

Organizations will expect their new team members to follow the procedures explained to them. If there is a work process you've encountered and you believe could be improved or made more efficient, try the organization's method several times first before making suggestions. And, if you do make a suggestion, make sure you can prove exactly how it will save time and money.

We have two ears, two eyes, and one mouth: so listen and observe twice as much as you speak. Use your first 90 days to become better acquainted with the organization. You are a passenger on this train, not the conductor (at least not yet). This isn't the time to "showboat," it's about laying the foundation for a strong and meaningful relationship going forward.

Even if you are a senior executive, you're still new. Learn and respect the current dynamics, and appreciate those who kept things moving and who are helping you to adjust. 

Explore More Resources at Mind Tools...

If you want to discover more about getting a new job, and how to go about settling into your new role, check out the following resources from Mind Tools. (Note that you'll need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all the resources in full.)

Starting a New Job

How to Pass Your Probationary Period

Taking Responsibility in a New Leadership Role

Making the Most of Your Induction

Gaining the Trust of Your New Team

The First 90 Days

About the Author

Sonia is an experienced meeting and events manager, with over 20 years experience in conferences, exhibits, and corporate social events. She also owns a visual branding company.

Sonia joined the Mind Tools coaching team in 2021, and enjoys connecting people with resources to help them reach their goals. In her spare time, she is a photo enthusiast, who reviews products, completes store scavenger hunts, and explores nail art/design.

The post Your Career Journey Part 3: Getting a New Job appeared first on Mind Tools.

Preparation, Preparation, PREPARATION!

So you've applied to a few positions of interest and have received a couple of invitations for job interviews. Congratulations! You have transitioned from a job applicant to a job candidate.

The next big event is preparing to meet face-to-face (in person or virtually) with your prospective employer. Here are tips to get you started:

• Get comfortable describing your experience as it relates to the vacant position.
• Know the specific interview questions or topics or that are illegal to ask and understand how to respond.
• Be able to identify the company outreach effort that resonates most with you and why.
• Be comfortable discussing how the company's philosophy aligns with your values.
• Review your references to check all contact details are up to date.
• Be ready to backup your résumé claims through recruitment tests (e.g. typing speed, website design, editing or writing tasks, etc.)
• Know the industry average salary and range for the position, so you don't undercut yourself at negotiation time.
• Bring hard copies of your résumé, references, clearances, test results, and presentation deck (every document you were requested to send, including a few extras). These will also act as handy references you can glance at if the nerves kick in.
• Have a flash drive for quick electronic access or sharing.

During Job Interviews: Are You the One?

We asked the Coaching Team to share some of their memorable job interview experiences, as either the interviewer or interviewee. Here's what each had to say.

Demonstrate How You "Match" the Organization

Coach Mike Barzacchini explains how illustrating how your unique skills and experience can solve problems for the organization can help you win over recruiters...

"When I interview for a job, I try to apply my experience to what I feel the company seeks. What can I bring that adds value? How can I serve and solve? I let this approach guide my answers and my questions. Sharing a case study – a real example of how your work made a difference for a former employer – is a great way to win over a potentially skeptical interview team. It's even better if you can relate how that type of work would make a difference for their organization. My favorite advice to job applicants is to make sure to communicate what makes them excited, uniquely interested in, and qualified for the position."

Listen Out for "Alarm Bells"

Not every interview, however, is a "bed of roses." Coach Zala Bricelj reveals how sometimes the interview can unearth hard truths or even raise "alarm bells" ...

"It's when it becomes apparent that there is a reason why the employer has a high turnover and/or is repeatedly searching for potential candidates. It's those times in the interviewing process when it's clear that leadership, HR and departments are off-synch or working in their own siloed workplaces, and it all comes out in the meeting with the interviewers.

"I have experienced a few situations like this. One time they said to my face that my résumé was too good and I should be searching for a job abroad and not waste time in my homeland. Another time, the interviewer told me that the job posting was just an "official need-to-do" and that the company already had a candidate lined up. And the cherry on top? I went in for an interview that became a promotion for an MLM pyramid scheme."

Show Empathy and Compassion

Coaching team leader Yolande Conradie reminds us to be empathetic and compassionate with others...

"I always appreciated interviewees who came prepared. To me, that's someone who's done some research about the company and is able to ask pertinent questions about it. I learned not to look at appearance too hard because I live in a country where many people are poor. However, I could always see when someone has tried to make a good impression – even if their clothes were old and their shoes worn. Another reality of South Africa is that many people who use English as their business language are third- or fourth-language English speakers. I had to learn to listen past language errors unless proficiency in English was a job requirement. (Ditto their résumés. Poverty often means that people don't have money to have their résumé produced professionally.)"

Are You the Good Cop or the Bad Cop?

Coach Sarah Harvey shares how she learned that sometimes the way we think we're presenting ourselves can be very different to how we're being perceived...

"The most memorable experience for me was when I was leading a whole set of interviews of internal candidates as part of a departmental restructuring. I chaired every interview and was joined by a range of managers who would work alongside me to recruit the roles within their teams.

"People thanked us for our professionalism, and many commented on the robustness of the process, describing it as a 'good cop, bad cop' experience. 'That’s nice,' I said to one interviewee, as this had by then become common feedback, 'I'm pleased I've been the warm and friendly face of a potentially difficult organizational process.' 

"'Oh no,' they told me, 'You’re the bad cop! You ask really challenging questions and won't let things go on face value.' I had no idea I'd come across that way. And it was really powerful learning for me which I've been mindful of in every interview since. It goes to show interviews can provide a positive learning experience not only for interviewees but for interviewers, too."

Job Interview Hacks

During a job interview, it can be hard to remember all the things you want to ask and say, so here are some handy hacks to help you get the most out of the experience:

• Bring a small list of questions about the position or company. The recruiter may answer them before you need to ask, but it's always good to have a reminder somewhere of the key questions you may have gathered during your job prep.
• Check your appearance – before you leave and before the interview begins.
• Top candidates often set themselves apart because they bring genuine enthusiasm and curiosity about the role. So be sure this comes across in your interview.
• Be honest about what you can deliver, and your expectations.
• Never lie in an interview. Irrespective of what people tell you, do not "fake it till you make it." Chances are that you'll be unmasked because faking often leads to mistakes – and mistakes cost money.
• At the end of the interview, remember to thank the recruiters and note down relevant decision dates and recruitment process methods that they need to adhere to. If the recruiter hasn't already mentioned these details, be sure to ask so you know what's likely to happen next.
• If you haven't heard back, send a follow up after two to three days. Be polite and remember to thank them for the opportunity.
• Most importantly... be truthful, be honest and be yourself!

Explore More Resources at Mind Tools...

If you want to discover more job interview tips and techniques, check out the following from Mind Tools. (Note that you will need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see the resources in full).

How to Prep for a Job Interview
How to Answer Interview Questions
Interview Skills
How to Ace a Video Interview
Tricky Interview Questions: Tell Me About Yourself
Tricky Interview Questions: What Are Your Strengths and Weaknesses?
Tricky Interview Questions: Why Do You Want This Job?

About the Author:

Sonia is an experienced meeting & event manager with over 20 years in conferences, exhibits, and corporate social events. She also owns a visual branding company.

Sonia joined the Mind Tools coaching team in 2021, and enjoys connecting people with resources to help them reach their goals. In her spare time, she is a photo enthusiast who reviews products, completes store scavenger hunts, and explores nail art/design.

The post Your Career Journey Part 2: Job Interviews appeared first on Mind Tools.

That's why I suggested this series of blogs to help you plan your career journey, whether you're a current job seeker, an employee looking for a change or a step up, a future entrepreneur, or a student. 

This blog series on career journeys will coincide with three consecutive #MTtalk Twitter chats and Facebook Live events. And, if you're a Club member, we'll also be hosting exclusive #MTmasterclass videos on LinkedIn. (You can find further information about these at the end of this blog.)

Starting your career journey – Prepping your résumé

What are your key skills and strengths?

Before explaining your knowledge, skills, abilities, and interests to anyone, you'll need to identify what they are.  

Mind Tools has several resources to help you do this, including our personal SWOT analysis, our blog on "What's Your Life Plan? Balancing Dreams and Reality", and the Mind Tools Life Plan Workbook.

So get familiar with your own strengths and skills. Then use this information to define the following about yourself: 

• Talents 
• Interests 
• Knowledge 
• Skills 
• Abilities 
• Philosophy/Values 

Summarizing your work experience

A résumé is an organized snapshot of your career objectives, qualifications, skills, education, experience, and work history. Essentially, it should provide the hiring company details of what your career journey looks like so far, and demonstrate how well your skills and experience match up to the vacant position. Recruiters often request that résumés be limited to one or two pages, so be concise but informative. 

For quick and easy reference to your work experience so far, keep an up-to-date LinkedIn profile. Also, maintain an "at-a-glance" data file that contains key information for each of the jobs you've had, such as dates, titles, key responsibilities, accomplishments, company info, and key work contacts or former supervisors. 

Some jobs may require you to document your work experience in different formats. For example, if your background includes postgraduate work in the technical, educational, scientific, legal, and medical industries, companies might request a curriculum vitae (CV) instead. 

In my experience, a résumé is a shorter summary of your work that can be skimmed in 15-30 seconds, while a CV may include paragraphs to summarize your specialized work. Government entities and other organizations may also require you to fill out online or paper applications that are specific to them.

Résumé design

A résumé typically contains the following, regardless of format: 

• Name and contact information. 
• Career objective.
• Relevant job history (with job title, dates, company, city/state). 
• Key responsibilities and skills.
• Education level.
• Other information such as hobbies, activities, honors, and affiliations. 

How you format and design your résumé will depend on what information you want to highlight. What do you want the hiring company to know about you? 

Remember, the likelihood is you only have a few minutes to grab the recruiter's attention. So you need to design your résumé in a way that presents your work experience clearly and effectively. There are several résumé format styles you can use, but – in general – the three most popular are: 

• Chronological – best for consistent, relevant experience.
• Targeted – best for downplaying a limited job history of direct experience by spotlighting relevant, transferable skills and abilities instead.
• Functional – best for emphasizing related duties and responsibilities from multiple positions.

Because this is your résumé, choose a format or combination that highlights your strengths and represents you the best. Also, think about the roles that you're applying for and consider tailoring your résumé depending on the different skills and experience that each requires.

Finding the right career journey: Searching for Jobs

Now that your résumé is ready, the next obstacle on your career journey is to find the right job for you. But how do you know what will be a good fit and what won't? Where should you be looking? Where do you even start?

When it comes to doing a job search, your ultimate goal is to find a role that excites you, but that also meets your salary expectations. There are various places you can look, including:

• Company websites. 
• Newspapers.
• LinkedIn and recruitment websites.
• Networking/word of mouth.
• Campus career center or local economic development department.
• Executive search consultant/firm.
• Referrals.

You might find that there are thousands of jobs relevant to you and your industry out there. But, remember, you are the customer here. So consider some of the following to find the right fit for you:

• Determine your salary requirements and acceptable range based on your needs, and the industry average for the types of jobs you're applying for.
• Don't get hung up on titles. Instead, focus on the responsibilities. (For example, a coordinator at a large organization could have the same responsibilities as a manager at a small company.) 
• Learn about the company and compare how its corporate values measure up to yours. 
• Consider location. Where is the job? Are you open to relocation? 

Introducing yourself using a cover letter

Many recruiters ask job applicants to write a cover letter to go with their résumé. Essentially a cover letter is a personal letter that introduces you and your résumé to the recruiter. It's a chance for you to highlight the unique strengths and skills that you can bring to the role, and explain how you'd make the best fit.

To make sure your cover letter sends you to the top of the recruiter's pile, consider the following:

• Carefully read the job description and focus your letter on the key skills and attributes that it requires.
• Stick to between three to five paragraphs and no more! This could, for example, be structured as: an opening paragraph (the purpose of your letter); two to three paragraphs that promote your skills and that summarize why you'd be an asset to the company; and a closing paragraph (action and appreciation).
• Use a standard letter format but tailor the content of your cover letter for each position that you apply for.
• Use action-oriented language to bridge your experience with prospective duties. For example, "strategize," "build," "create," and "develop."
• If the recruiter didn't request items (such as headshot, samples, etc.), don't submit them. (Recruiters may receive dozens of attachments or pages for each vacancy, so these may simply go ignored if they are not necessary.)
• The recruiter should confirm receipt of your submission (via email, phone, or text message). 
• Don't assume the recruiter's preferred greeting titles. Ask for their preference before you begin writing.
• Look at a mix of job descriptions for the same position to understand how to tailor your language.
• Factor in any voluntary and other unpaid experience you've done to demonstrate transferable skills. 
• Save documents to a portable document format (PDF) to preserve your original formatting. (Several "free" PDF creation software tools are available online.) 

Let's continue the conversation about Career Journeys

We want to explore the different career journeys people have taken further. So we'll be hosting a number of exciting talks on our social channels to discover more. These will also be great opportunities to access the wonderful wealth of experience our coaches can offer you, as you navigate your own career journey.

We'll be hosting an #MTtalk on Career Journeys on Wednesday, May 10th @ 12 noon ET. Anyone can join! Simply follow us on Twitter, type #MTtalk in the Twitter search function and click on "Latest" – you'll then be able to follow the live chat feed. You can participate in the chat by using the hashtag #MTtalk in your responses.

On Thursday, May 11 at 11 a.m. ET members of our Career Community Facebook group will be able to join a 20-minute Facebook Live conversation and question session.

And, finally on Friday, May 12 we will release a short coaching video on our Mind Tools Coaching Hub on LinkedIn, which is exclusive to Mind Tools' Club members.

Resources: Explore more at Mind Tools...

If you want to delve further into some of the topics we've discussed, check out the following from Mind Tools. (Note that you will need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full.)

Finding Career Direction
Managing Your Career
Developing a Career Strategy
Writing a Résumé
Writing a Cover Letter

The post Your Career Journey Part 1: Résumé Prep and Job Searches appeared first on Mind Tools.

Our next-door neighbors on one side were elderly, and on the other side were slightly younger than my parents, and they had children our age. Opposite was Mrs Williamson (who always dressed up even though she lived alone) and her toy pom dog (who drank tea from a Royal Doulton cup). One house down lived another couple with children. (We were in different schools because they were English and I was Afrikaans, but we loved playing together during school holidays.)

Our relationship with the older couple was always very comfortable and warm. We were "sugar neighbors" – the kind who would lend each other a cup of sugar. And we also had keys to one another's houses. Believe me, I would have been locked out of the house after school very often if not! I always found their house to be a comforting and safe place.

Intergenerational Workplaces... or the Lack Of

When I started working, I was in the banking industry in a highly intergenerational department.

On one end of the spectrum was Mrs S (as we called her) who was close to retiring. On the other end was none other than yours truly – at the tender age of 21. Thinking back now, I know I didn't realize or appreciate how fortunate I was to have colleagues of all ages.

However, a few years later I started working at a company where only two people (the CEO and the financial director) were over 40. The rest of us were younger, and most were below 30. There was never a lack of creativity and ideas (or mischief). But what we did lack was a sense of calm, and the wisdom that comes as a result of life lessons. As well as the ability to ask penetrative questions based on wide-ranging experience. 

The Benefits of an Intergenerational Team

While writing this blog, I asked my bonus son (my stepson) how he thinks intergenerational workplaces benefit team members.

He works for a young company that provides technical and IT services. The company was founded by a person who was 50 at the time. All the technicians are in their twenties, the accounting and admin staff are in their thirties and forties. However, the one position that George (the founder) struggled to fill, was that of a technical and maintenance manager. He searched high and low, but couldn't find a person that he thought was a good fit.

One day, George started talking with a stranger in a store. The other man, Jordy, was a retiree who had been out of the workplace for 10 years, but he'd worked in power plants and other technical environments all his life. George had a gut feeling that Jordy was the right person for the position. So he asked him if he'd consider returning to work. As it turned out, Jordy hated not working. It made him feel unwanted and discarded. He was yearning to contribute to society by sharing his knowledge and experience.

Jordy's knowledge was immense. He knew exactly how to troubleshoot technical issues that would have kept the younger members of the team perplexed for days. But, he was still quite "old school" in his approach and often offended or annoyed co-workers because he spoke his mind openly, and didn't really take their boundaries into consideration. Political correctness wasn't part of his vocabulary!

So, while Jordy was imparting valuable knowledge to his team members, they taught him how to navigate the modern workplace.

"It didn't end there," our son said. "Jordy also taught us to be patient with him in a different way than he had to be patient with us. Both sides learned lessons from the interactions with one another – and it taught us all that there's always more to consider than meets the eye."

What Is Global Intergenerational Week?

You might have seen from our social media channels that we've been busy celebrating Global Intergenerational Week over the past few days, during which we got involved in conversations about intergenerational working and the benefits of age diversity.

When we talk about the various generations, there are three key things that tend to inform the main differences in the way each thinks:

1. How they were parented.
2. Technological advances and how they changed their world.
3. Major economic events that impacted them.

Given my formative years and background, I've always been appreciative of intergenerational working because I believe people of all ages add value in different ways. I've also learned these lessons:

• Avoid generalizing. An older person might be just as happy to use modern technology and digital devices as millennials. In fact, my 83-year-old mother loves Facebook and my friend's daughter doesn't even have a Facebook account!
• Being older doesn't necessarily mean being wiser. And, conversely, not all younger people are unwise! Learn to listen and appreciate people for who they are, not for the box in which you think they belong.
• Don't talk over people as if they don't exist. This goes for both young and old people. It's offensive, regardless of age.
• Be respectful. Recognize people's agency and respect it!

Relevant Resources

If you want to learn more about intergenerational working, check out the following selection of Mind Tools resources (note that you will need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full):

How to Thrive in a Multi-Generational Workplace
Stage (Not Age)

About the Author

Yolandé uses her 20+ years of experience as a therapist, coach, facilitator, and business school lecturer to help people develop their careers and live up to their potential. She thrives on facilitating conversations designed to build bridges between people by using creative questioning and thinking techniques.

You might mistake her for a city girl, but Yolandé is an honorary game ranger, loves birding, archaeology, and spending time in the African bush. Early morning runs with her rottweiler and reading (a lot) are her favorite activities. And, her neighbors will tell you that she loves the kitchen and it gives her joy to "bake" people happy. 

The post Global Intergenerational Week 2023 appeared first on Mind Tools.

At the same time, while I'm prone to introversion, I value and celebrate communities. And communities, along with all the other benefits they bring, can be an antidote to isolation.

Recently, I began thinking with focus and intention about the communities to which I belong. There are dozens of project groups I'm a part of at my full-time job. These are communities and thinking about them as such helps me value them more.

I also belong to a variety of communities related to my profession as a volunteer and participant. And I volunteer in my town, and those groups are communities. Finally, I participate in social communities for fun and friendship, including one that started during the first year of the pandemic and still meets online each week.

After this quick community self-audit, I realized I'm not as isolated as I thought, but am I getting the most out of these communities and are they getting the most out of me?

Being aware of the communities I belong to helped me to realize that my participation is enriched when I consider two things:

• What's my goal for being a part of each community?
• How do I uniquely contribute to each community?

The Power of Connection

This informal self-audit also helped me to consider the time and resources I'm spending with each community, along with identifying where gaps may exist. This may lead me to seek other groups that align with my current goals. For example, after a recent screenwriting workshop, a colleague and I discussed starting a lunchtime writers' group.

Would you benefit from a community self-audit? If so, you can start by exploring these five questions:

1. To what types of communities do you belong?
2. How active are you in these groups and what uniquely do you bring to each?
3. How useful are these communities to you and your goals?
4. What communities may you need to exit because they no longer meet your goals, or perhaps are no longer as vibrant as when you joined?
5. Finally, what types of communities would you like to seek, based on your current interests and goals?

I continue to remind my introverted self about the value and power of connection – and one of the best ways to create connections is through community building.

"A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality."

John Lennon

Our "Communities Lost and Found" Twitter Chat

During Friday's #MTtalk Twitter chat, we discussed community building in the workplace and why it is essential. Here are all the questions we asked, and some of the best responses:

Q1. How do you define community?

@CaptRajeshwar A group of like-minded people with a difference in opinion but with same vision, mission and goals.

@Midgie_MT A group of people who have a shared interest and who may support each other to pursue that interest or explore related topics together. Much like this #MTtalk community, that I feel privileged to be part of!

Q2. What makes a vibrant, healthy community?

@ZalaB_MT Many factors help co-create a good community: good leadership and CMGR (community manager) – this is/are the person(s) who know the ins and outs of a community and its members; engaged members that spread the word by WOM and help create more fans and followers.

@Yolande_MT In a vibrant and healthy community, members are mindful of how their actions might impact "the greater good" of the community. A healthy and vibrant community thinks of "us" and not just "me." It's also a place where people like being with one another – whether digital or in real life.

Q3. What types of communities do you currently participate in?

@SoniaH_MT The types of communities I currently participate in discuss business, communication, management, and leadership topics. Some others once included human resources, technology and marketing.

@brent_baggett04 I'm a part of a very big outdoor community, which involves hunting, fishing and the love for nature.

Q4. What value do you receive from the communities you belong to?

@SarahH_MT The main value I cherish is a feeling of belonging, closely followed by a sense of purpose. I also need to feel I add value and receive value, not necessarily in equal measure but it's important.

@Ganesh_Sabari I observe and analyze behavior in relation to age and exposure. This strengthens empathy and foresight in me.

Q5. How have you benefited from digital communities such as #MTtalk?

@CaptRajeshwar I used these chats for my training, motivation talks, management courses, blogs, and everyday life.

@harrisonia Digital communities have helped me realize that I'm not alone in the way I think or interpret certain topics. These communities have helped me become more mindful of my verbal and nonverbal communication, so I don't offend others.

@MikeB_MT During the pandemic, virtual communities were a lifeline for me. They still provide opportunities to collaborate, problem solve and encourage productivity. One digital community I joined during the pandemic and continue with gathers each week to practice our cartooning skills. (I'm not very good, but love it). It's a generous, smart and positive community.

Q6. What are the responsibilities of being a part of a community?

@Yolande_MT Offering your expertise while respecting the expertise of others is an important responsibility. Celebrate with people who did well; be able to just "be" with someone who goes through a tough time.

@brent_baggett04 The responsibilities come with caring and being a helping hand for someone who can use it more than you, showing someone they have somebody when they need it most.

Q7. What communities have you left or lost and why?

@ZalaB_MT It's time to say farewell when the purpose of the community no longer serves you. When the community quietly dies away and becomes stagnant; when you no longer feel connected, respected or have trust in the members of a community. When there's a breach of trust and respect. I left communities that were mere spam, promoting services and/or disseminating disinformation or hurtful content.

@Ganesh_Sabari Communities are strengthened when each participant puts others before oneself. Communities break and dissolve the moment selfish pursuits make their presence. The sole purpose of being in a community is to provide value to the huddle. If at all we find ourselves receiving benefits, it's a gift. Gifts are never sought. Gifts are always a pleasant surprise.

Q8. What are the benefits of community building in the workplace?

@Midgie_MT Benefits include an increased sense of connection amongst the team, increased commitment to the goals and even the creation of some friendships outside of work. The bonds created in that community help increase the effectiveness and efficiency within work.

@SarahH_MT Community building in the workplace is SUPER important. Benefits include creating a sense of belonging, support, human connection, a shared identity, shared purpose, the list goes on! Relatedness is so important to us all on a deep level.

Q9. What are the barriers to community building in the workplace?

@MikeB_MT Time and opportunity. It may take effort to build community in the workplace, but the benefits are many. It's worth the lift.

@Yolande_MT Sometimes, the biggest (and even the only) barrier is simply the lack of initiative. No one puts up their hand to do it and takes responsibility for it.

Q10. What are some tips to foster community building in the workplace?

@SoniaH_MT A tip to foster community building in the workplace is asking questions, listening genuinely to the answers, and showing interest in others.

@Ganesh_Sabari Keep the community objective precise, lucid and communicated. Be diplomatic in pruning negativity. Humans by nature consider finding fault in the existing system as one's merit.

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat.

"Communities Lost and Found" Resources

Note that you will need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full.

Making the Most of Employee Resource Groups
Mutual Respect
Professional Networking
Carroll's Pyramid of Corporate Social Responsibility
The Connected Company
The GIVE Model
Mind Tools Newsletter
"How to Overcome Stress" workbook
David Rock's SCARF Model

Coming Up: Global Intergenerational Week

Building community at work helps foster new relationships in unexpected ways. Regardless of age, everyone can learn from someone else.

Next time on #MTtalk, we're going to observe "Global Intergenerational Week" and discuss strategies to build bridges between generations and unify the workplace and community. In our Twitter poll this week, we'd like to know which intergenerational activity most interests you.

The post Communities Lost and Found – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

We were in Mauritius recently and I relished the fish and seafood dishes. My husband, on the other hand, does not eat seafood and isn't a big fish eater. Being South African, we come from a nation of meat eaters – and we love nothing more than a good barbeque. Here, in South Africa, we don't call it a barbeque though, we called it a "braai" (it sounds like the word "bright" without the "t").

On our second to last evening, we were at a local barbeque shack where a few young men grilled prawns the size of crayfish (delicious!) for their guests. While I was tucking into the amazing seafood, my husband looked on with a slight expression of disgust, declaring that he didn't eat stuff with claws and antlers and beady bug eyes. He was craving a thick juicy "braai" steak.

Food brings people together

As I mopped up the last of the delicious buttery sauce from the prawns with a chunk of French bread, he stood up and walked over to the guys at the grill. It wasn't long before they beckoned me to join them. My husband had negotiated a deal with them: if I shared my homemade barbeque sauce recipe with them, we could use their barbeque the next evening to grill our own meat.

To say that the next evening turned out to be the highlight of our trip would be an understatement. We laughed until our cheeks hurt, we talked, shared our grill secrets, and all made a "braai" together – prawns on the left of the grill, beef steak on the right. We were having a lovely time – a middle-aged white South African couple and four young black Mauritians sharing stories about our cultures, language, jokes, struggles, history, and day-to-day lives.

And all because of food.

Food bonding

I've often experienced the same type of "food bonding" at places where I've worked. When someone celebrates their birthday, for example, and brings in cake to work, people look forward to teatime. They usually sit around a table, sing "Happy Birthday" together and enjoy the treats.

Or there are those times when everybody works late, chasing a project deadline, and someone arrives with a box full of cupcakes or doughnuts. That person was often the office hero – at least for a few minutes! Or, to celebrate the successful completion of a project, we'd have a rooftop barbeque or everybody went out for pizza on a Friday.

The flipside to food

I can't say that I always enjoyed the gatherings around food because I had an eating disorder when I was younger and I got severely anxious around food. I did everything possible to protect my secret – even something as drastic as literally running from the office when a colleague served birthday cake.

Where there's food there's often talk about calories and diets, weight and appearance. Those conversations sent my anxiety skyrocketing and all I felt was guilt and shame. I was unable to enjoy the food. Or experience the loving intent with which it was offered.

Wake up and smell the fish

Then, of course, there's also the contentious issue of smelly food. There's always that one person in the office heating up their broccoli or fish in the kitchen, or – worst – eating an egg sandwich!

Odors are not the only offensive thing about food. There's also the little matter of table manners and how to eat in a way that's not offensive to others – and I know I've just poked a massive hornet's nest there!

What's perfectly acceptable to one person, based on their culture, upbringing and tradition, might be extremely offensive to another. In some countries, people burp after a meal or slurp while they eat to demonstrate they think it's a good meal. In other countries, burping and slurping are considered rude.

What's good food etiquette in the workplace?

So, what do we need to consider when combining food and work?

• We need to be tolerant of cultural differences in food etiquette.
• Accept that some people might prefer not to eat with others because they suffer from social anxiety or an eating disorder... or it's just not something they enjoy doing.
• At office functions, make provision for people with different eating preferences without making a fuss about it.
• Be sure to mention allergens in the food, especially if it's an exotic dish and people might not know what the ingredients are.
• Be considerate regarding the choice of food you take to the office, and how it smells.
• If you have to travel for work, make sure that you read up about the cultural expectations and food etiquette of your destination.

Food is much more than the nourishment it provides. Food represents our likes and dislikes, habits, tradition, culture, and history. It tells us something about who we are and where we come from.

Sharing food is an opportunity to sit together and do something that all people need to do: eat. It's a way to show our humanity and our generosity, and it's a wonderful way to build a community and all just be human together.

Our "Food and Work" Twitter chat

During Friday's #MTtalk Twitter chat, we discussed how to build community and culture in the workplace through food. Here are all the questions we asked, and some of the best responses:

Q1. What word sums up food at work for you: celebration, friendship, embarrassment, fear... ?

@MarkC_Avgi Essential. Not sure how we could do without it, and we need to be thanking farmers for providing it to us! Food at work…often eaten at my desk, until I learned I needed to get out of the office for some fresh air and a change of scenery. Seldom went to restaurants or fast food outlets, and did not eat in the cafeterias when there was one.

@llake I have three words – communication, collaboration, and cooperation. Workplace gatherings that include food foster these areas.

Q2. Do you prefer to eat with colleagues or to eat alone? Why?

@SarahH_MT Generally I prefer to eat and take a break alone, to switch off from work. If I eat with colleagues the work talk continues and I don't get a mental break. However, that's different than sharing a more social meal with colleagues which can be lovely.

@southbaysome Since I work from home, I prefer to eat with colleagues anytime I get the chance.

Q3. What's your favorite way to share food at work?

@CaptRajeshwar Open-boxed meals. Share without asking to keep extras. Know what they like and lack. Do some homework. It builds trust and bonding.

@ColfaxInsurance (Alyx) I love potlucks. Each of us bringing a dish that we love and sharing it with everyone while trying the dishes that they love is so personal.

Q4. How would you handle a colleague who not only shares, but also pushes their food practices onto you or others?

@PdJen I politely respond that everyone’s body is different and that what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for another.

@BRAVOMedia1 I've experienced this more with the "drinking" games. Sure, I can enjoy a nice glass of wine, but overindulging with a work group just doesn't work.

Q5. How should we meet the needs of someone at work with an eating disorder?

@SoniaH_MT Since eating disorders are highly personal (and sometimes painful), if the coworker has disclosed the disorder to me, I would ask them how they'd best need me to support them and do that.

@ColfaxInsurance (Alyx) It's important to remember everyone has their own struggles. Be polite and respectful, offer your assistance so they can accept it if they so choose, but don't push it. If it becomes life-threatening, escalate it to someone who can do something.

Q6. If you have allergies or intolerances, how do you navigate food at work?

@MikeB_MT Ask. Listen. Learn. And offer alternatives.

@Midgie_MT As I am just recently off gluten, it is challenging me to be mindful when food is being shared. Rather than jumping in and taking a piece of whatever is offered, I have to pause and ask. Often times it means I miss out, yet, it is a choice I am making.

Q7. How have you used food to build community at work?

@llake When meeting with prospective donors, I provided refreshments for the time of day. I often send food to my husband's work, which is in a communal setting. "Healthy" is an individual experience, so I send a variety.

@SarahH_MT We would go out for lunch once a month or so; it allowed us to get to know each other and relate on a deeper level. At Christmas, we would take it in turns to share food/drink with other teams. This was great for building community across depts.

Q8. How can we use food to encourage greater collaboration and inclusion at work?

@CaptRajeshwar Every month we had a food party on Friday. Everyone given chit for food to prepare. Everyone bring qty as requested and all share different regional delicacy.

@BRAVOMedia1 How about Summertime "Hand-made," Custom Pizzas for Friday afternoons? If I worked in an office, I'd like that along with weekly massage therapy available, and gourmet pizza.

Q9. How can we use food to help a team member experiencing a crisis?

@MarkC_Avgi Many people will say they have a "go-to" food for when they feel sad or stressed and it does help them. Many TV shows have reflected people diving into a container of ice cream when upset. I can’t say I have such a "comfort food."

@MikeB_MT This occurred recently. I knew the family of a co-worker dealing with a crisis. People volunteered to bring meals in or donate to restaurant gift cards while they dealt with the difficult times.

Q10. What role can food play in a virtual workplace?

@Yolande_MT I celebrated my 50th birthday during lockdown. My amazing colleagues brought their own treats + tea to their desks - and we had a fantastic virtual birthday party. I can't even describe how loved and cared for I felt. Kaiser, my dog, also joined us.

@SarahH_MT It is possible to use food virtually, such as we saw during pandemic lockdowns (virtual tea parties, virtual social events etc). Some people loved these but others endured them so I'm not sure if there's a role for it in the future.

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat over here.

Food and work resources

To help you prepare for the chat, we've compiled a list of resources for you to browse. (Note that you will need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full.)

Never Eat Alone
Cultural Intelligence
The Seven Dimensions of Culture
Kiss, Bow, or Shake Hands
Religious Observance in the Workplace
Leaders Eat Last
Avoiding Cross-Cultural Faux Pas
What Are the HALT Risk States?
How to Run Successful Lunch and Learn Events
Hofstede's Cultural Dimensions

Coming up: community building

Food is an exciting motivator to unite us for work celebrations and other social functions. It prompts us to connect with others, form new relationships, and solidify lasting memories when preparing to leave. For our next #MTtalk, we're going to discuss community building in the workplace and why it is essential. In our Twitter poll this week we'd like to know why you join real or online communities.

The post Food and Work – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

My grandfather was my first mentor and taught me what it means to be a lifelong learner. Or, more importantly, how to enjoy learning for learning's sake.

He was an avid reader, learner and storyteller, and he approached every experience as an opportunity to grow and develop. I can clearly remember myself, eight years old, squatting down in his garden, helping him plant seeds. I'd learn about gardening and so much more: about the weather, seasons, soil, plants, and vegetables; about caring for nature; and about how we're all part of the same lifecycle.

Come to think of it, what I remember most about my grandfather (besides his gentleness, calming voice and good nature) are the countless life lessons I received from him. In the words of John Dewey, "Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself." My "Deda" (grandfather in the Slovene language) was the perfect embodiment of that.

Fast forward many years, and I often reflect on my childhood – when the seeds of lifelong learning were sown. I think about the factors, circumstances, motivators, and mindset that contributed to that.

Becoming a Lifelong Learner

Here are the questions I often refer to when it comes to promoting, supporting and inspiring lifelong learning:

• Can anyone be a lifelong learner?
• Can you master the art of lifelong learning?
• What are some ways we can all become lifelong learners?
• Is lifelong learning connected with a specific mindset?
• Are there principles or a framework for lifelong learning?
• Do we "need" to be(come) lifelong learners?
• What are the benefits of being a lifelong learner?
• How can the principles of lifelong learning support traditional learning, in the classroom and in the workplace?

What Are Your Learning Values?

When you reflect on those questions, you might discover a lot about your attitudes toward learning, and the values you attach to it.

And that might help you to pinpoint and define the different types of motivation that drive your learning.

Which activities do you choose because they bring you pleasure, for example? When do you learn in order to improve your effectiveness or achieve key goals? And do you ever learn for a purpose bigger than yourself or your job?

Confronting Your Learning Roadblocks

You may even become aware of some generalized beliefs about learning. For example, you might realize that there are thinking patterns that hold you back from continuous learning. Or you may recall some unpleasant memories that have been preventing you from finding joy in learning new things.

Talking about unpleasant memories takes me right back to my piano lessons in primary school. I wanted to play the piano for fun, not professionally. (I knew how concert pianists lived and how hard they worked for their careers, so being a young Pogorelić wasn't what I desired for myself!) As much as I enjoyed playing Bach, Beethoven and Handel, I wanted to play contemporary music. I even wanted to learn to play the Pink Panther theme!

Unfortunately, as my teachers were keen for me to pursue a music career professionally, but I wasn't, I stopped playing entirely after 10 years, and never touched the piano again.

The Recipe for Learning Success

Lifelong learning is not rocket science. It doesn't need to be perfect and polished. There are, however, two decisive factors that we need to consider when it comes to the success of lifelong learning.

As every good chef will tell you, without salt and pepper, any dish might fail. So, what are the salt and pepper of lifelong learning?

The Salt: Motivation

Not just any type of motivation, though: it's intrinsic motivation that plays a crucial role in any learning. It comes down to the reasons why we do the things that we do. Is it because of the outcome and the results we expect (extrinsic motivation) or because of our interest and enjoyment in the task itself (intrinsic motivation)?

When our actions stem from intrinsic motivation, we learn because of the joy of learning. We enjoy expanding our knowledge and skills and broadening our views. Our purpose for learning is enjoyment, growth, curiosity, self-expression, and fun – not getting good grades, winning prizes, or receiving perks.

When we're motivated by non-material benefits – the sheer joy of learning, any time, any place, and by our own choice – then we're also influencing our learning capacity. If we look at our children and their desire and need to learn daily – be it their first steps, first words, eating with a spoon, walking up and down the stairs, exploring the world around them – we can see that their desire to learn is unstoppable and insatiable. In fact, children have a "fluid" capacity for learning, otherwise known as a growth mindset.

As we grow older and our lives become more intertwined with formal learning and acquiring new skills on demand, our mindset can become fixed. We begin to believe that we've reached the limit of our creativity and skills. We may have become tired of formal, institutionalized learning, or might think that there's simply nothing left to learn (in terms of accredited/certified learning).

Perhaps Albert Einstein worded it better: "Once you stop learning, you start dying."

The Pepper: Mindset

"Learning is about living, and as such is lifelong."

Bente Elkjaer, professor at the Danish School of Education

More than anything else we must embrace all opportunities to learn. Not all knowledge lies in books, nor does all learning happen in the classroom. There are small changes in your thinking that will have an impact. I practice these simple tricks with my students regularly.

For example, replace "I'm not smart" with "I'm really smart when it comes to _________."

Instead of saying "I don't like challenges" say "Overcoming challenges makes me grow."

Change "I don't know how" to "I can learn."

Reframe "I give up" to "I can't succeed if I don't try."

Add to these a few simple personalized goals:

• Lifelong learning is your responsibility.
• Identify your learning style and adapt your approach to suit your individual needs.
• Try new things regularly.
• Ask (many) questions.
• Find a mentor and become a mentor to others.
• Start or join a learning group or find an accountability partner.
• Put your knowledge and skills into practice (whenever possible).
• Keep a record of your learning journey.
• Take advantage of tools, technologies and digital spaces that support learning.

Oh, and don't forget to have fun!

#MTtalk Roundup: The Art of Lifelong Learning

During Friday's #MTtalk Twitter chat, we discussed why it's important to be a lifelong learner; why you want to keep on learning; and how to accomplish it. Here are all the questions we asked, and some of the best responses:

Q1. Is lifelong learning a state of mind, an art, or a matter of chance? Please explain.

@JennaDrei I think it's a state of mind! Anyone who is open to new things is always learning and taking lessons from them!

@BrainBlenderTec It's a matter of acceptance. Every moment can be one of learning if you are open to it.

@Midgie_MT Lifelong learning is both a state of mind and an art. It is about having an attitude of curiosity and questioning, exploring and discovering. The approach that [some]one takes towards their learning may be an art form in how they do their learning.

Q2. What did you most value from required/formal learning in school and at work?

@jaxgaither I valued the experiences I was given and learning from other people's ideas. It was cool to see others' thoughts in different subjects.

@MikeB_MT I'm a believer in "perspective by incongruity" (I think that's a Kenneth Burke construct). Always bringing ideas from other disciplines and industries into my work, combining what feels like two disparate ideas, trying to create something new and fresh.

Q3. What was of least value from your required/formal learning at school and work?

@NWarind Learning has a value, and if learned well, the value will be ever increasing.

@ZalaB_MT Learning by memorizing. I know that some studies require it – medicine or law, but not all. I "hated" memorizing theories that were not "put into practice". It's just words, with no context or substance.

Q4. In your experience, what or who has been an unexpected source of learning?

@CaptRajeshwar Villagers supplying milk to a cooperative dairy. They knew more than what we learned about technology: fat, rates, mixing, difference of test in time gap, etc. Never take a ground man lightly; they know more than you studied.

@J_Stephens_CPA As I wrap up the formal philosophy side of ethics, I'm looking forward to looking at more of the professional side of ethics again.

Q5. What would you most like to learn now, at this stage in your life/career?

@KarinnaSimmons I want to learn a new language! Being a polyglot is on my bucket list.

@gabrielle_lohr I would like to set aside some more time for myself outside of my career & dive into the art of French cooking!

Q6. How could learning unrelated skills from unrelated industries/roles benefit you?

@ColfaxInsurance (Alyx) Even if it feels unrelated, the skills you learn can easily translate to your career and other aspects of your life! Over the past couple years I learned how to incubate chicken eggs, which also taught me patience, and boy is that handy for everything!

@SarahH_MT I love how learning something unrelated to my work can spark more creativity in me. And it's amazing how seemingly unrelated skills are super-transferable to other areas.

Q7. What non-traditional methods of learning have you tried?

@Yolande_MT One method of learning that has served me well is to commit to doing something I know nothing about – and then to start learning and applying at a furious pace. It gives me immense satisfaction. (This Twitter chat falls in that category...)

@CaptRajeshwar Worked in organization as a hidden worker to know the tricks, gaps, road blocks, igniters, catalysts... It solved most of the issues.

Q8. What are some of the rewards of being a lifelong learner?

@gabrielle_lohr The biggest reward is constant growth. Every time you learn, you're adding more knowledge to the database inside your mind! Without lifelong learning, you miss out on new ideas, methods & innovations.

@KarinnaSimmons Keeping your brain active to help prevent any memory loss! It's something I think about often and try to practice every day. Yay, brain health!

Q9. What are some good tips to apply lifelong learning in our life/work?

@jaxgaither Be curious! You never know what you'll find if you don't question things.

@Midgie_MT Simple tip... make regular time in your diary for the learning to take place. Also, make a plan if you have a specific objective or goal to be achieved (like a date when I am going to Italy this summer!)

Q10. How will you encourage others to become lifelong learners?

@SoniaH_MT To encourage others to become lifelong learners, I will keep asking, "why?" This will help us all to learn by seeking answers and debunking myths or inaccuracies.

@NWarind By telling your story with the aspect of teaching.

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat.

Coming Up: Food and Work

Lifelong learning opens up opportunities to gain new and unexpected knowledge. When we add food to the activity, we gain a chance to bond, learn and accept. Next time on #MTtalk we're going to discuss how to build community and culture in the workplace through food. In our Twitter poll this week we'd like to know how you feel when there's food at work and you're invited to eat.

"The Art of Lifelong Learning" Resources

Note that you'll need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full.

Learning Curves

How to Boost Your Self-Motivation Video

Learning Styles

Building Expert Power

Enabling Genius

How to Create a Personal Learning Plan

Journaling for Professional Development

70:20:10

Purposeful Practice

Staying Challenged

Five Moments of Learning Need Video

Virtual Learning

Never Stop Learning

Gagné's Nine Levels of Learning

The Learning Zone Model

The Five Elements of Effective Thinking

How to Learn From Your Mistakes

The post The Art of Lifelong Learning – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

It'll be fun, they said. In the hours before midnight, uplifting music played and energetic warm-up routines with loud and enthusiastic organizers roused the crowds. Groups of friends met up, drank water, ate high-energy food, packed snacks, and prepared for seven-to-10-hour walks through the streets of London. Despite all this, I can assure you that, for me at least, this experience was not fun.

The good news was that I'd trained. In the months leading up to the event, I'd gradually increased the length of my walks to around 20 miles.

I had comfortable walking shoes that I'd "broken in" so they didn't rub. And I had special socks that hikers use, which are supposed to stop blisters. I was confident that I'd prepared well enough to cope with the physical demands ahead.

But I was to discover that it was the mental demands that were the most challenging of all.

One Step Leads to Another

My diet hadn't been great in the 24 hours before the walk, and I hadn't kept myself hydrated. I'd not rested properly. I'd stayed up late the previous evening, woken up early on the day, and followed a busy schedule before arriving for the walk.

I was also doing the walk alone. Yes, there were thousands of people around me, but I didn't have a walking companion – someone to talk to, to motivate me.

"A bird sitting in a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking because her trust is not in the branch but in her own wings."

― Author Unknown

I had no one to encourage me when I was tired or felt like giving up. No one to be my cheerleader, my coach and keep me motivated. All of these factors set the tone for a very challenging and lonely nine-hour walk, with only my own thoughts to get me through.

By 5 a.m., in cold, deserted London, I was completely exhausted, and my heat blisters were developing blisters of their own! The only thing I had to keep me walking toward my goal, to keep me taking one step after another toward my destination, was being my own coach.

What Does It Mean to Be Your Own Coach?

My Moonwalk experience taught me that, while it can be helpful to have people around you to coach, challenge and cheer you on, the only person who is with you every minute of every day is you.

If you want to consistently be the best version of yourself, even in the face of adversity, and especially when you feel like giving up, be ready to coach yourself.

Good self-coaching leads to self-empowerment, and this can help you make more positive choices and take charge of your life. It can also build your self-confidence because, as you coach yourself, you develop your self-awareness.

You can coach yourself to think about the "big picture." Try asking yourself questions like:

• What am I good at?
• What knowledge, skills or behaviors do I want to improve?
• What matters most to me in work and in life?
• What are my personal and work goals?
• What do I want to achieve personally and professionally?

And you can coach yourself through your day-to-day challenges, by reflecting on:

• How can I best solve this problem?
• What steps do I need to take to achieve this goal?
• How can I use my strengths in this situation?
• What do I need from myself today?
• How can I change my thinking to see things more positively?
• If I want new results, how should I think and behave?

Different Mindsets Create Different Results

Being your own coach means regularly reflecting on actions you take (or don't take), acknowledging what went well, and thinking through what you need to do to be even better in the future.

This could apply to anything from reflecting on your role in the completion of a big project, to how you handled an important conversation with your boss.

I did complete the Moonwalk Marathon, by the way. When I picked up my medal at the finish line at around 9 a.m., it was with a huge sense of achievement – and with the knowledge that mindset is so often the difference between giving up and achieving your goals.

"Whether you think you can, or think you can't – you're right."

– Henry Ford

#MTtalk Roundup: Be Your Own Coach

During Friday's #MTtalk Twitter chat, we discussed how to be your own coach. Here are all the questions we asked, and some of the best responses:

Q1. What does "being your own coach" mean to you?

@BRAVOMedia1 Being my own coach, for me, means providing self-care, spiritual enlightenment, courage, and strength.

@ZalaB_MT It means giving yourself the opportunities to get to know yourself, your strengths and areas of life/work you'd like to improve, change or "upgrade" and actively work on them.

@SaifuRizvi The act of being your own coach begins with positive self-talk! The day you start learning from your mistakes, you will become your own coach!

Q2. What's the difference between being your own coach and positive self-talk?

@Yolande_MT Positive self-talk is about taking care of a minute. Self-coaching is about taking care of a process.

@ThiamMeka2Gogue Positive self-talk is the internal narrative you have about yourself with positive wellbeing impacts. Being your own coach is developing your own ideas and actions in response to the challenges, with the purpose to increase your resilience and reduce your dependency on other people.

Q3. Why/when might you want to be your own coach?

@ColfaxInsurance (Alyx) This is a super helpful skill set in getting to know yourself better and being able to advocate for yourself to yourself and to others.

@Midgie_MT You might be your own coach when you are implementing daily habits or pursuing goals, which you know you can and will achieve.

Q4. How does being your own coach differ from coaching others?

@J_Stephens_CPA Getting past perfectionism with myself is a challenge, despite telling others they don't have to be.

@MarkC_Avgi Many who are their own coach are much tougher on themselves than they might be on others, or we might be easier because we know ourselves. But in assessing how you coach others, you need to learn about the others and get to know what coaching will work for them.

Q5. What skills does it take to be your own coach?

@BRAVOMedia1 Being my own coach takes emotional intelligence, resilience, fortitude, and self-love. No woman/man is an island and we need one another to thrive and grow. This chat is challenging!

@SarahH_MT You need to be open-minded to develop your self-awareness, use self-reflective techniques, be resilient, emotionally intelligent, determined, self-motivated, and have good judgment/decision-making skills.

Q6. What might be some challenges of being your own coach?

@PdJen I think one of the challenges of being your own coach could be knowing the right questions to ask. Of course, figuring things out is all part of the enjoyment of whatever journey you're on!

@ColfaxInsurance (Alyx) It's hard to be your own coach if you have no experience coaching, at least from my experience. I can also see there being an issue with learning to be kind to yourself.

Q7. How can you measure if self-coaching is successful?

@ThiamMeka2Gogue As long as you ask yourself insightful coaching questions that unlock your thinking and support you to identify actions, that will help you make positive life and career progress.

@PdJen I think you have to first understand where you are and why you need to self-coach; set goals and go from there. If several months down the line, you're still doing the same thing, getting the same results etc, then something isn't working.

Q8. When have you coached yourself successfully?

@Yolande_MT I coached myself successfully through a fitness challenge, a seven-day water fast (that, to me, was a major accomplishment) and handling a very difficult adopted Rottweiler. I had to coach me more than I had to train him!

@MarkC_Avgi When coaching myself during difficult situations, it was often a matter of asking myself: "What would ____________ have done in this situation?" That "blank" in the question could have been any number of people in my life, who I valued and respected.

Q9. What have you learned from other coaches that you've applied to yourself?

@SoniaH_MT When it comes to applying what I've learned from other coaches, it's accepting my flaws and triggers, then learning to work through them.

@ZalaB_MT Grateful for my coach/mentor. She taught us coaching is NOT mentoring, therapy or counseling. Coaches don't offer advice or counsel, they guide clients with what they bring to the table. Coaching takes 100 percent of your whole self, so you need to keep your boundaries.

Q10. Can anyone be their own coach? Yes/No? Explain.

@SarahH_MT Anyone CAN be their own coach but that's not to say you have to do it all alone. I do think self-coaching is more natural for some and some find it easier than others. But it IS possible for anyone to be their own coach with the right mindset.

@Midgie_MT Yes, anyone can coach themselves. Yet to do it effectively some basic skills and tools help!

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat.

Coming Up: The Importance of Lifelong Learning

You'll have a hard time coaching yourself if you don't continue learning about yourself and from others. Next time on #MTtalk, we're going to talk about a topic that excites all of us here at Mind Tools: the importance of lifelong learning (thanks for the topic suggestion, @ZalaB_MT). In our Twitter poll this week, we'd like to know why you continue learning.

"Be Your Own Coach" Resources

To help you prepare for the chat, we've compiled a list of resources for you to browse. (Note that you'll need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full.)

• Managing Yourself
• Empower Yourself Video
• Self-Mastery
• Self-Sabotage
• Developing Personal Accountability
• How Self-Motivated Are You?
• Energizing Yourself
• Motivating Yourself
• Understanding Your Locus of Control
• Dweck's Fixed and Growth Mindsets
• Informal Coaching Video
• Coaching Through Change Video

We've also just released a whole batch of new coaching videos on Mind Tools. Our "Get Coaching – Introducing Brand-New Mind Tools Coaching Videos" blog reveals all!

About the Author

Sarah is an experienced and qualified leadership, culture and conflict coach. An author, skilled trainer, facilitator, manager mentor, and workplace mediator, Sarah has over 30 years' experience to draw on. Following a career as an HR leader and consultant, she now loves coaching leaders and teams to improve their results through developing better workplace relationships and creating savvy conversational cultures. Away from work, Sarah can be found in her garden or perhaps writing her next book.

The post Be Your Own Coach – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

For most of my life, I've kept a journal, sometimes sporadically, sometimes diligently. But no matter how far or long I've strayed from my practice, I always return. I've discovered that my life's much improved when I'm journaling.

Some people might not journal in the "dear diary" way but still do daily writing that benefits them. My fellow Mind Tools coach Yolande Conradie has a friend who's a poet. He decided to write out the numbers from one to a million in words.

The last time Yolande asked about it he said he was at number "four hundred thousand and fifty-something." It isn't reflective. It isn't poetry, songs, or anything deep. But his daily practice of taking his pencil in his hand and finding new ways of writing mundane words has become a creativity exercise of note! 

Experience the Joy of Journaling

"Document your dreams. Sketch that shape you saw. Write those lyrics before they fade out."

Michael Bassey Johnson

Why do I journal? I find it benefits me in many ways. First, it helps me find my focus. The pace of work and life can be crushing. Journaling resets me during challenging times. It's also useful for recording my progress. Whether keeping a daily, weekly or occasional journal, I find value in recording my victories, even the smallest ones. 

My journal also helps me to reflect on where I've been and where I'm going. I try to make sure I at least document important days, travels, milestones, and memorable moments.  Finally, a journal helps me to capture what's next. At various times I've kept an idea journal where I'll jot down some wild ideas. Sometimes these have led to very cool projects – all started in my journal! 

Journaling Tips

Journaling is a highly personal experience. You may have completely different reasons and enjoy different benefits. My own journaling habit continues to evolve in sometimes unexpected, always wonderful ways. 

As an avid journaler, here are my four tips to help you start (or restart) your journaling practice. 

1. Make it convenient. I have one primary journal, but I also have notebooks throughout the house, in my car, and at my office. I also keep an annual journal for short notes and observations in Google Docs. I can access this on my laptop or phone. Sometimes I even text myself short notes and ideas.
2. Strive for consistency. Can you schedule journaling for a particular time each day? 
3. Stay courageous. If we can't be honest in our journals, then where can we be honest?
4. Make it part of your self-care. Journaling can be part of being a more balanced, mindful person. You'll realize those benefits both on and off the page. 

Journaling/Daily Writing Practice

During Friday's #MTtalk Twitter chat, we discussed the benefits of journaling and other daily writing practices. Here are all the questions we asked, and some of the best responses: 

Q1. Do you, or someone you know, have a daily writing or journaling practice? If so, tell us more. 

@southbaysome My gratitude journal helps me remain grateful. Sometimes I journal in my mind on nature walks. Both work. 

@ColfaxInsurance (Alyx) I had a daily journaling practice, and now I have a daily writing practice. I try to spend at least 30 minutes a day writing SOMETHING, even if it just a plan/outline/notes for later. 

@Dwyka_Consult Writing focuses my concentration, while many other things want to divide my focus and attention. 

Q2. What time of the day do you write/ journal, and why? Does it make a difference? 

@Yolande_MT I also have a habit of writing if something upsets me. I journal about it as soon as I can – immediately, if possible. I do it in order to capture the emotions of the moment – it helps me better reflect later on. 

@southbaysome Time of day doesn't matter to me but frame of mind does. I often write in coffee shops. 

Q3. When did you first start journaling and who/what inspired you to do it? 

@ThiamMeka2Gogue When I was 5 YO, my great-grandmother who passed away last year, offered me my ever first girlish, tiny planner to write down, each week every new sentence I learned from German lessons she used to teach me, and translate it into French, English and our native Bafoussam. 

@Midgie_MT I remember journalling when I was a teenager and have kept journaling ever since. I can't remember who or what inspired me to start, yet I knew I felt better when I did. 

Q4. How has your daily writing practice/journaling benefited you? 

@ColfaxInsurance (Alyx) I personally feel as if my writing skills have improved tenfold since I started the daily practice. I can look back at what I wrote before and what I write now and there is significant improvement. 

@MikeB_MT Daily writing helps me clarify, solve, find balance, and celebrate. Almost any aspect of my life is improved through writing. When I stray from the practice, life is not as vivid. 

Q5. How has a regular writing practice helped you to process major life events? 

@ZalaB_MT For those who use journaling in this way, it can be therapeutic. It might ease the burden and pain of what's happening inside you and help you make peace with some of it or simply acknowledge it. Let paper deal with the roller-coaster or emotions for a while. 

@SarahH_MT When my maternal grandmother passed away I was overcome with grief and found it hard to process her sudden death. At that time I wrote about my feelings and even wrote 'letters' to her. It helped me come to terms with it. 

Q6. If you haven't practiced daily writing, how might you begin? 

@SoniaH_MT One way to practice daily writing is to set a goal of doing it once per week or 3 days per week. After you get accustomed to having this (now GOOD HABIT) as part of your day, you can experiment with increasing the frequency. 

@ThiamMeka2Gogue Get a paper-pen planner/journal, and figure out why you personally want to write, but anyway, start with anything that pops into your head — and it’s important that you get it all out of your head without editing or censoring in any way. 

Q7. What obstacles do you anticipate when it comes to regular writing or journaling and how might you overcome them? 

@MikeB_MT Missed opportunities. That's why I try to always carry a small notebook. I'd be waiting on an appointment, a train, etc., and have the urge to write down thoughts, scraps, impressions, but not have a pen or paper. I now try to always be prepared to journal. 

@ThiamMeka2Gogue Simply forgetting to journal. Until your journaling practice becomes a habit, you might find yourself simply forgetting to do it. Try keeping your journal next to your bed so you will see it on a daily basis. 

Q8. How can journaling help you reach your goals and change your habits? 

@SarahH_MT I know it is a great way to notice patterns of behavior and it may help me to see more clearly over time what is getting in my way of achieving my goals. (Spoiler Alert – ME!) 

@Yolande_MT If you commit to journaling about a habit every day for 60 days, and you analyze your progress (or lack thereof), you're holding yourself accountable in a very visible, concrete manner. 

Q9. What are ways you could apply daily writing or journaling to your work? 

@ZalaB_MT "Practice makes perfect." It's a great way to practice new skills, to develop new habits and to get insights into what motivates you and helps you stay consistent. All great skills you can apply at any stage in your life/work. 

@MikeB_MT I've tried to keep a corresponding journal at work. But it often becomes just project notes and to-do lists.  However, I've been known to personal journal a bit on my lunch break. 

Q10. Is it ever OK to read another person's journal? Why? 

@SoniaH_MT Overall, no, it is never OK to read another person's journal unless they have specifically given you permission. The only time I'd lean toward reading someone's journal without permission is if their life were in danger. (But maybe not even then. It's a trust issue.) 

@Midgie_MT NO, NEVER! I'm using that 'shouty' capitals because I have had someone read my journal and then tell 'friends' about its contents. A personal journal should be a safe place to let all the 'insecure' or 'doubtful' thoughts and fears come out. 

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat. 

Coming Up: How to Be Your Own Coach

Journaling is most often a reflective exercise and not only can we learn much about our thinking, motivation and behavior through it, but it can also help us change ourselves. Next time on #MTtalk, we're going to discuss how to be your own coach. In our Twitter poll this week we'd like to know when you think you'll be able to coach yourself successfully. 

Journaling Resources 

Note that you will need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full. 

Replace Your New Year Resolutions With a Hope Letter 

Critical Thinking 

Wired to Create: Discover the 10 Things Great Artists, Writers, and Innovators Do Differently  

Inverted Pyramid Writing 

Building Trust 

Journaling for Professional Development  

Stress Diaries  

Developing Self-Awareness  

The Cornell Note-Taking System  

The Power of Good Habits  

To-Do Lists  

Activity Logs  

The post Journaling/Daily Writing Practice – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.