People of all cultures grieve; we all feel sorrow, loss and despair. We just show it in different ways. When it comes to grieving, for some cultures the focus is often placed on the individual. This can make it an extremely isolating and lonely experience.

However, in other cultures collective grief is common. Families, friends and communities lean in to support each other and grieve together. Here, death is not to be feared and is not a taboo topic.

Our understanding of the nature of grief and bereavement has undergone a transformational change. Previously received wisdom regarded grief as linear. It defined bereavement as working through emotions, with the goal being to move on and live without the person who died.

A Pathway Through Grief

Today the focus is on understanding the benefits to bereaved people of integrating the memory of their loved one into their lives.

There is more recognition that death ends a life, not necessarily a relationship, and that this process can be healthy and is not a denial of the death.

More recent theories also consider the cognitive, social, cultural, and spiritual dimensions of grief and loss. As a society, it's important to recognize that it's valuable for bereaved people to talk and to think about the person who has died. Better than encouraging them to "get over" their bereavement.

Experts no longer talk about "moving on," but instead see grief as a way of adapting to loss while forming a continuing bond with the lost loved one.

Growing Around Grief

Tonkin's (1996) theory of "growing around grief" suggests grief remains the same size, but the person's life grows around it. As a bereavement counselor, this model has proved very helpful with people I've supported. Mainly due to the removal of the expectation that there needs to be "closure." A lot of people are, understandably, fearful of this.

It's important to note that although clinical research has expanded our understanding of the distinctive symptoms, risk factors, and psychological processes (which have contributed to more appropriate support for bereaved people), there is no justifiable "one size fits all” model or approach to grief.

A feeling of loneliness is something that is reported by nearly all of the clients I have worked with. They may have family and friends around them, but they are alone with their thoughts and their grief.

People shy away from checking in, not knowing what to say. Or they offer support initially and then distance themselves, leaving people alone with their grief. It can be an additional loss, where the people that you least expect become strangers.

Listen, Don't Judge

"Is what I'm feeling normal?" is a question I get asked a lot, and the answer is "Yes." The physical and emotional symptoms of grief can be frightening and overwhelming. They can be so heightened that people are convinced that they have a serious cognitive or medical issue.

I've found that normalizing the responses people have, and giving reassurance that grief can manifest itself in many ways, can help to alleviate this additional concern that is weighing heavily on top of people's grief.

"To share something that is very personal with another individual and it is not received and understood is a very deflating and lonely experience. I know that when I try to share some feeling aspect of myself, which is private, precious and tentative, and this communication is met by evaluation (judgment), reassurance and distortion of my meaning, my very strong reaction is 'Oh, what's the use!' At such a time, one knows what it is to be alone."

A Way of Being, Carl Rogers (1980)

This is a quote often used in bereavement support training, as it helps people to understand the importance of respect, empathy and validation when supporting someone.

You don't have to have the answers, you don't have to "fix" anything, that person may not want your opinion. "Toxic positivity" is also unhelpful. It's much better to regularly check in, take time to be present and empathically listen without judgment.

7 Tips for Truly Supporting the Bereaved

I've learned something in every single encounter during my years as a counselor supporting grieving people through their bereavement. Here's a brief summary of the things I've found most helpful during that time. Hopefully, they'll help you too when the time comes:

• Respect, empathy and genuineness are the core conditions of helping (Carl Rogers).
• It's better to say something than nothing.
• "How are you?"... ask twice, so that people know you are being genuine. Continue to ask. There is no time limit on this.
• If you think the individual is feeling overwhelmed or bombarded with questions like, "How are you feeling?" consider sending a note or a card. Or see if there is any way that you can support them practically, e.g., with their workload.
• Each bereavement is unique and so each person's grieving is unique.
• Grieving is not an entirely private process; it has social and relational aspects which need the engagement of others.
• There's no one size fits all for support. Some people will research and read books, support groups can be a comfort for some, and others may prefer individual counseling.

FURTHER READING

Mind Tools Chief Executive John Yates lost his daughter, 18, while she was on her gap year holiday in Asia. You can read this moving account of his daughter, the grief and the aftermath by downloading the story below.

You may also find the following articles helpful for reflecting on grief. You'll need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full:

Working Through Grief

Coping With Grief and Loss in A Virtual Team

How to Manage a Grieving Team Member

About the Author:

Kate Peters is a Mental Health and Wellbeing Consultant, Mental Health First Aid Trainer and Inclusion and Accessibility Lead at PeopleUnboxed.

The post Grief: Finding a Way Through appeared first on Mind Tools.

This connection was recognized by the entrepreneur and communications expert Morra Aarons-Mele and she explores it in her hit podcast, The Anxious Achiever. 

Anxiety’s Upside 

She has now written a book of that name, subtitled “Turn Your Biggest Fears Into Your Leadership Superpower.” When I spoke to Aarons-Mele for our latest Mind Tools Expert Interview, she explained how anxiety can be a double-edged sword. 

Here's an excerpt. (You can stream the audio clip below or read a transcript here.)

For the anxious among us, it’s nice to know there can be an upside to the uncomfortable symptoms we often feel: racing heart, churning stomach, aching brain.  

The trick is to “look our anxiety in the face and work with it,” Aarons-Mele says. Then we can harness the powerful drivers of those symptoms to produce our best work and reduce our discomfort. 

Freeing Yourself From Thought Traps

In her book, she shines a light on what causes anxiety in conscientious people, including negative self-talk, all-or-nothing thinking, catastrophizing, and overthinking. In each case, she offers tips for escaping those thought traps. 

For example, if you can recognize that you’re catastrophizing, you can actively try to interrupt those thoughts with more rational ones.  

“I can literally try to replace the instantaneous thought of, ‘It’s all your fault. You suck. You’re getting fired,’ with, ‘Okay, maybe this wasn’t your best month. Let’s look at the data. Let’s try to just bring some more neutral information in. Let’s try to breathe. Even if you did get fired, let’s play out the worst-case scenario and see what would happen’,” she says. “That kind of interruption for me – and it’s evidence based – is really powerful.” 

Perfectionism Is Anxiety 

As a recovering perfectionist myself, I was interested that Aarons-Mele devotes a whole chapter to perfectionism. 

When I asked her why, she said that perfectionism is a common problem for anxious achievers, and it’s often misunderstood.  

“Perfectionism, I learned in my study, is not always being amazing and giving everything you’ve got and creating the most incredible product ever made. Perfectionism’s anxiety: it’s a sense that, ‘If I am not perfect, I’m not worth it’,” she told me. 

The Terrifying Typo 

On the face of it, the job of a writer and editor aligns positively with perfectionism. Being exceptionally careful about facts, grammar usage and spelling is the sweet spot of editorial work. In fact, the more perfectionist an editor is, the better – or so it always seemed to me. 

When I was editor-in-chief of a small weekly newspaper, I wore my perfectionism like a badge of honor. I invented processes for myself that demanded a lot of time and high levels of concentration. If I was editing an article, I’d never read it fewer than three times, proudly announcing to whoever would listen that I’d found something new to correct every time.  

But this extreme attention to detail wasn’t always helpful. I remember finding a typo in the small print of an advertising supplement freshly delivered from the printer. I was horrified. I picked up a pair of scissors and scratched at the misplaced letter until it was obliterated in a scruff of newsprint. Sleepless nights followed, punctuated by harebrained “solutions” like pulping the lot and reprinting a new, perfect batch of magazines.  

Remembering this incident now, I still feel mortified about the error, even though my rational mind reminds me that, as far as I know, no one noticed it. If they did, it had no consequences, which is more or less the same as no one noticing. 

Having heard Aarons-Mele’s take on this particular thought trap, I can see that my response to the typo was multifaceted. It was about producing the best product I could, but it was also about proving my own worth, to myself and other people. My motivation got tangled up, so that when I saw that tiny mistake in print, it registered with me as a total personal fail.  

Let’s Be Excellent 

Perfectionists need to stand back and give themselves an easier time of it, Aarons-Mele believes. We control the urge to be perfect, not the other way around. 

“If we can moderate [perfectionism] and get it out of our way, as one of my favorite interviews in the book – Dr Thomas Greenspan – says, ‘We’ll still be excellent, just without all the attending anxiety’,” she reflects.  

But anxious achievers, don’t worry! This isn’t about lowering our standards. It’s about accepting that life happens and mistakes can slip through. And that “excellent” is – truly – as worthy an outcome as “perfect.” 

Listen to the Full Story

You can listen to or read my full 30-minute interview with Morra Aarons-Mele if you're a Mind Tools member or if your employer is a Mind Tools for Business licensee.

If you're not already a member, join Mind Tools now to gain unlimited access to 2,400+ resources, including our back catalog of 200+ Expert Interviews. Or find out more about Mind Tools for whole organizations, big or small, by contacting our enterprise team.

Meanwhile, catch more excerpts and insights from my guests by searching our Expert Interview blog topic and by signing up free to the Mind Tools Expert Voices podcast.

The post Aim for Excellent, Not Perfect: My Expert Interview With Morra Aarons-Mele  appeared first on Mind Tools.

Mental health issues make people feel uncomfortable. I'm not talking about people who suffer from them – I mean the people who don't. When you don't have any personal experience of poor mental health, it can be – excuse the pun – difficult to get your head around.

If you meet a friend or co-worker hobbling along on crutches, you can immediately sympathize and empathize. You notice and process the clues easily, because you recognize what you see, and understand its likely consequences. And it's possible that you've suffered a similar injury yourself in the past, and almost literally "feel their pain."

But the clues that someone has a mental health issue can be far more difficult to identify and react to.

Chances are, someone with such a condition is doing their best to hide it. They'll forego the opportunity to receive any of that same sympathy and empathy because it's risky. Having anything less than 100 percent good mental health holds a stigma. So it can be tricky to know what to say if someone does confide in you, or if you find out some other way.

Mental Health Is a Battle on Two Fronts

Social awkwardness is unfortunate, but the shame and fear it can lead to can create lasting damage.

People can be extremely reluctant to reveal their mental struggles because of the potential impact on their careers and relationships. And so they fight on two fronts – managing the condition itself and trying to present a "normal" façade to the rest of the world.

I described my own, mercifully short, battle with post-traumatic stress after a serious motorcycle accident in this Mind Tools blog. I still recall the fear I had of talking to anyone – family, friend or work colleague – about that consequence of the crash.

The isolation and sense of worthlessness that many people experience as a result of mental health issues can be devastating, as highlighted by the World Health Organization. The 2022 WHO report reveals that even when help is available, it's not taken up. The authors said, "People will often choose to suffer mental distress without relief rather than risk the discrimination and ostracization that comes with accessing mental health services."

Wellbeing in the Workplace

I like to think that, as individuals, we can overcome our initial awkwardness and confusion at learning that a colleague is facing a health challenge, and that we will be supportive and accepting. After all, isn't this what we need ourselves whenever we're having a tough time?

But can organizations do more to help us all to succeed and thrive at work?

Managers have to balance their responsibilities to their team members and to their organization. And, when it comes to health, these responsibilities need not conflict.

A workplace that's safe, both physically and mentally, and that enables its people to look after themselves and one another, will likely suffer less absenteeism and presenteeism. It will support more honest conversations, and engender more loyalty and trust. And all of these attributes can surely only help the bottom line.

This Mind Tools video explores six ways that organizations, leaders, and managers can support their people's mental health.

Points to Ponder: What Are Your Experiences of Mental Health at Work?

If you've managed someone facing a mental health issue, what strategies did you use? And if you've ever discussed your own mental health with your manager or co-workers, what reaction did you get? What approach does your organization take to mental health, and why?

If you would like to explore Mind Tools resources on mental health, here's a list for further reading:

Personal Financial Stress and Wellbeing
Hurry Sickness
How to Deal With Anxiety
Managing Stress
Managing Post-Traumatic Growth

About the Author:

Keith is a managing editor at Mind Tools and has been part of the content team since 2015. He's an experienced editor, writer and manager, with a long history of working in the e-learning and media industries.

The post Mental Health – Let's Get Our Heads Around It appeared first on Mind Tools.

Even after three years, we are still riding the ripple effects of Covid-19, and we’re still living in “uncertain times.” That's why we've created a brand new range of stress and wellbeing videos aimed at addressing the various different aspects and impacts of stress. Here's how they can help...

Identifying Different Types of Stress 

Living in a permacrisis means that stressors are coming at you from left, right and center! And with so many different factors at play, it can be hard to know exactly why you feel stressed. Is it that deadline that’s looming? Or that “quick chat” your boss asked for tomorrow? 

Knowing what kind of stress you’re experiencing is a vital first step to overcoming it. 

Dr Karl Albrecht defines four types of stress that you’ve likely encountered at some point in your life: Time, Anticipatory, Situational, and Encounter Stress. Find out more about each of them in our video on Albrecht’s Four Types of Stress.

Dealing With Money Worries

A more specific type of stress is financial anxiety, and it’s becoming increasingly common. In fact, the majority of adults in the U.S. cite inflation as a cause of stress.  

Financial struggles affect everyone differently, and it’s hard to cut down on spending if you already have a tight budget. But there are still things that you can do to minimize this kind of stress, and there are people that you can reach out to if you’re really struggling. 

Discover more in our video, Personal Financial Stress and Wellbeing. 

Setting Boundaries to Protect Your Wellbeing

If you have an active or high-strain job, chances are you probably experience stress at work. You may even carry this home with you, which can have a negative effect on your family and friends. The Demand-Control Model of Job Stress is designed to help you manage precisely this kind of stress, by analyzing your workload and level of autonomy.

Protecting your boundaries at work is another great way to ease job stress, whether your role is high-strain or not. You may find it hard to say "no" to people, even when you have a mountain of other things vying for your attention. But it you say "yes" to everything, you may find you struggle to get anything done! It isn’t always easy to say “no” to someone, but our video on managing your boundaries at work has lots of tips on how to protect your time and energy. 

Supporting Others to Cope With Stress 

And what if you spot someone else struggling with stress – do you feel equipped to help them? Or do you struggle to know what to do?  

If you’re a manager or leader, it’s your responsibility to provide your workforce with the right tools and support systems for managing their mental health. And there are plenty of things you can do to help as a colleague, too. Our video, 6 Ways to Support Employees’ Mental Health provides some great advice on how you can do just that. 

What did you think of our stress and wellbeing videos? If you have more tips on how to manage stress in a permacrisis, we’d love to hear them! Please share your ideas and experiences in the comments below. 

Our next batch of videos will cover different types and methods of coaching! Keep an eye out for them on February 21. 

The post Managing Stress in a Permacrisis – NEW Stress and Wellbeing Videos appeared first on Mind Tools.

Winter depression can arise from seasonal changes in sunlight exposure and temperature. Combine this with the ongoing cost of living crisis, and it's never been more important for managers to recognize and combat stress within their teams.

Managing the Winter Blues

Low mood or depression can affect anyone, so it's vital that managers take support themselves, as well as supporting their team members. With the added pressures of protecting their team's wellbeing, managers can often overlook their own mental health and even harbor feelings of guilt when taking time off to look after themselves.

To mark International Stress Awareness Week, we're taking a closer look at how winter can affect team wellbeing, and what managers can do to manage workplace stress in the colder months.

SAD in the Workplace

SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), sometimes called "the winter blues" or "winter depression," affects sufferers in a particular seasonal pattern. Usually, though not always, the symptoms will be most severe from September to April and will drop off during the spring and summer.

Though it's not unusual to occasionally feel down or unmotivated as the weather takes a turn for the worse, SAD is a serious mental condition with symptoms that can be adjacent to clinical depression.

Some of the common signs of SAD that you should be aware of include:

• Frequent, sometimes poorly-explained absences in the winter.
• Difficulty concentrating in meetings or on projects.
• A general lack of energy in work and conversations.
• Sudden changes in diet (for example, comfort eating).
• A palpably bad mood that seems to have come on with the winter.

Other Factors That Lead to Stress in the Winter

While seasonal affective disorder can be a major cause of stress in and of itself, it's important that managers stay conscious of other, more pervasive sources of stress that can manifest in the workplace.

This International Stress Awareness Week, one of the most talked-about sources of stress has been the ongoing cost of living crisis. And with temperatures dropping as energy prices continue to soar, it's no wonder so many people are on edge.

In fact, surveys from June of this year reported by The Guardian showed that "77 percent of people over the age of 16 [in the UK] reported feeling 'very or somewhat worried about the rising cost of living'." Further reports showed that "67 percent of Americans express great concern about the cost of living increasing."

Another cause of stress in the winter is the run-up to the holidays. The pressure of organizing family celebrations, travel arrangements, and the sheer financial strain of having to afford it all, can prove too much for many people.

For those already prone to suffering from seasonal affective disorder, these added sources of stress can make the season even more difficult. Managers should be mindful of these issues in order to give their team members the support they need throughout the winter.

Beating SAD and Winter Blues in Your Team

If you’re worried about how SAD and other winter-related stressors could be affecting your team, here are a few of our favorite tips for supporting your staff through the colder months.

Give Them Opportunities to Soak Up the Sun

Though SAD still isn’t very well understood, many medical experts believe that its causes are rooted in the fact that people don't get as much exposure to sunlight during the winter. 

As the days get shorter, it's important to create time in the day for your staff to step outside and enjoy some much-needed sunshine. For example, block out meeting-free zones in everyone's calendars to ensure that they can step away from their desks and take a break.

If busy schedules make this unfeasible, then your team may benefit from flexible working. With more autonomy over when and where they work, team members will not only be able to make the most of the limited winter daylight, but according to a 2021 study by Gartner, it could also make them more productive at work. 

Educate Yourself and Your Staff

Unfortunately, it's common for mental health issues to fly under the radar. That's why education is one of the best ways to combat wintertime stress.

Don't worry: no one's expecting you to re-train as a psychiatrist. But take the time to learn about stress in the workplace, its causes, and how management can help to mitigate it. This way you can keep on top of problems as they arise, making your workplace a less stressful place for everyone.

Encouraging your staff to do the same can also help them to look for the warning signs in themselves and others, and feel more comfortable talking to you about the problems they're facing.

Improve Employees’ Working Environment

Not everyone is comfortable talking about the winter blues, or even any aspect of their mental wellbeing at work. But that shouldn't stop you from taking active steps to combat seasonal blues.

If your team's working environment is dark, cramped or cluttered, then it could be exacerbating SAD symptoms without you even realizing! Consider how you can make your workspace a more pleasant place to be. Simple steps like rearranging furniture, clearing out built-up clutter, and removing partitions, can go a long way to improving everyone's mood at work.

If you’re sure that SAD is a problem in your team, there are even daylight-simulating SAD lights now sold by many major retailers. We spoke to Charlie Swift, Managing Editor at Mind Tools, about his own experience of winter lethargy: "I find getting up in the dark difficult and the blinding glare of putting on the light distressing (no overstatement). So I use a sunrise lamp that gradually comes on while I'm asleep. It peaks with my alarm and stays on for another 10 mins. Somehow, I'm already adjusted to it by the time I wake up and it's not a brutal jolt. And I feel ready to get up rather than desperate to bury myself back under the duvet."

Just like ergonomic chairs and new monitors, these pieces of equipment can have a real, positive impact on people's mood and productivity through the winter.

Final Thoughts

Stress at work can often go undetected, but with a proactive approach, managers can spot the early signs of winter blues and learn how to tackle stress in their teams. 

During this year’s International Stress Awareness Week, we hope this guide to seasonal stress has helped you as you work to lead a happier, healthier, and more productive team!

About the Author:

Chris is a passionate mental health and wellbeing writer and psychologist, focusing on sharing his experience and improving the lives of others. When Chris isn't researching the latest holistic and wellbeing therapies, he's spending time with his two cats, usually curled up on the sofa reading a book.

The post Beating the Winter Blues: How to Manage Stress and SAD at Work appeared first on Mind Tools.

I was reminded of this issue a couple of years ago, and decided to share my observations in the Mind Tools Forum. I asked my fellow coaches and Mind Tools members to share their thoughts and experiences, too. Here's our discussion.

Playing Armchair Psychologist

Some of you will know that I teach a leadership course at the business school of a university. My students are all adults who have been working for at least five years, and they take this course to prepare them for more senior management positions.

During one of our group discussions last year, John X told us how he had learned to handle situations with his senior manager – a "difficult" person.

One of the other students who worked for the same company piped up and said, "John's boss is a psychopath." When I asked her whether he's been diagnosed, and if so, how she knows about the diagnosis, she looked nonplussed.

The truth is, she didn't know. Yet she used a very strong term to describe him – and she believed her own story!

Everyone's an Expert

Over the last few years, we've all become more aware of mental health issues. We also have access to the internet 24 hours a day to find information about anything that piques our interest.

What is worrying is that people read a few articles on the internet about a mental disorder, and suddenly they are experts – especially on psychopathy, narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder. They also use terms that they misunderstand to describe someone else's behavior, and in doing so participate in spreading incorrect information and ideas.

Even if a person has read a hundred articles on the internet, that still doesn't make them an expert. They still haven't studied for five or six years, didn't do practicals and didn't write a licensing exam.

Here's the honest truth: most of us have some characteristics in common with Hare's Psychopathy checklist (lying, lacking empathy, playing the victim, impulsive behavior, sexual promiscuity... the list goes on) but that doesn't make all of us psychopaths.

Language Around Mental Health

My story particularly resonated with one of our Forum members, GoldenBoy. He responded: "Yolande, you certainly know how to speak to a guy's heart...

"Some of you'll know that I struggle with mental health. I grew up with the language you describe here, used as normal communication in everyday life. I have found that armchair psychologists are generally fairly insecure and use the language to defend themselves against something they don't understand.

"Through the years, I have observed language change to be less offensive, but the ideology behind the defensive behavior remains.

"I have been a victim of armchair psychology (for example, being told "you're mental!"). My strategy today is to ask them how they achieved that diagnosis, I tell them that I will pass their observations on to my psychologist, as he appears to have missed something. (Sarcasm was also strong in my youth.)"

Like GoldenBoy, if people make random comments in a conversation about psychological disorders, I usually question them about their comments. My intent is not to put people down because they're not qualified and I am, but rather to make them think about what it is they're saying and how damaging it can be.

But to be honest, I think GoldenBoy's sarcastic tactic is justified.

Labeling Can Be Destructive

Mind Tools Coach, Michele, chimed in with her thoughts: "Labeling people, whether it is indiscriminately tagging someone with a mental illness or typecasting someone based on some form of assessment (Myers Briggs, Hermann Whole Brain, Hogan, etc.) appears to have a common root cause; it is a way to diminish or marginalize someone."

The instruments that Michele mentions can be useful, but they have to be taught and facilitated correctly. I often use the NBI in my classes. One of my rules is that it must be a safe space for everybody. That includes never using an outcome as a label, a reason to tease or bully someone, or to put them down.

Sadly, Michele experienced first-hand how damaging it can be when these labels are used to diminish someone:

"When people are insecure and fearful, othering someone is a protective strategy. It props up the ego and reduces the threat. I'll give an example from my own experience.

"Earlier in my career, we administered the Herrmann Whole Brain assessment to the leadership team at an offsite. The Herrmann instrument assesses your brain dominance – right or left-brained. The result of the assessment produces a graphic image and shows where you fall in four quadrants.

"I am off the scale upper right (D quadrant) meaning that I am highly cerebral and synergistic. At the end of the offsite, the team gathered in a circle. The facilitator asked us to choose someone in the circle and share something they learned about the person during the course of the offsite. When I was chosen, the person started off with: "Well, Michele is a ditsy "D" and this explains everything I need to know about her." You can probably imagine how I felt at that moment. I was categorized as scatterbrained in front of the leadership team. This is an example of how quickly people can label and marginalize someone.

"Applying mental illness or psychological labels to people amps up the potential for harm. GoldenBoy's experience describes so well how destructive labels can be."

Don't Diagnose – Learn and Support

So what can people do instead to be more inclusive and to show more care?

Michele believes the first step is to educate oneself. She added, "Approaching a situation with openness and curiosity to understand what's behind the other's thinking is a good one. It provides an opportunity to educate. This said, having to educate someone about their uninformed thinking can be trying. I hope that in the near future, awareness around mental illness becomes mainstream so that those on the receiving end of armchair psychology don't have to adopt the role of educator."

Forum user, April, added her thoughts. She said, "Armchair psychology is something that makes me intensely uncomfortable – especially if the "diagnosis" is followed up by a "you must" statement. Or even worse, "You must just..." If it was that easy, we'd all be perfectly healthy people!

"It's easy to label people or to make them feel othered. It's a bit more difficult and time-consuming to support them in a healthy and mature way."

"It takes mindfulness and empathy to embrace them for whoever they are today.

"It's easy to be dismissive. It's harder work to be caring."

Have you ever experienced armchair psychology? Or do you have other stories to share about people being labeled? We'd love to hear from you in the comments below!

The post Armchair Psychology at Work – Thought of the Day appeared first on Mind Tools.

Lately, the news has left me feeling a little strung out, to say the least. Just as I wrap my head around one life-altering event, my phone chirps sadistically to tell me that doomsday is nigh… again.

The Cost of Living

The latest threat to life as we know it? The cost of living crisis. As prices surge, people across the globe are suffering from the emotional strain of financial insecurity, forcing many to make difficult decisions about their money.

While for some of us this means cutting down on trips in the car and scrimping on our weekly food bills, others have had to make untenable decisions about whether to spend their last few dollars on a meal or on heating their home. In fact, studies show that the cost of living has caused over two million people in the UK to skip meals for a day.

What Is Financial Well-being?

The cost of living crisis undeniably affects some more than others. But no matter your income, money can be a source of tremendous stress, anger and guilt. When times are tight, it's easy to think that the answer is… well, more money. But even people with high salaries can struggle to make it through to the next payday. One thing that could help is to address our relationship with money and, by doing so, improve our financial well-being.

According to the Financial Health Institute, financial well-being is "the dynamic relationship of one's financial and economic resources as they are applied to or impact the state of physical, mental and social well-being."

In short, your overall health is dependent on finding a careful balance between your emotional, physical and financial well-being. For example, spending every penny you have with little or no safety net will likely end up causing you high anxiety. On the other hand, excessive scrimping can prevent you from truly enjoying your life.

Making a Choice

At the start of 2022, my rent went up. It wasn't excessive but that extra money leaving my bank account each month was a wake-up call.

I loved my little one-bedroom apartment but, as friends moved away, I felt increasingly isolated in the seaside town I'd called home for two and a half years. During this time, I'd also been slowly saving to buy a house. But as the cost of living crisis hit and my outgoings increased, that goal felt like an increasingly distant dream.

A choice had to be made: say goodbye to my freedom and move back to my parents to save for a house, or spend more money and live closer to friends and civilization.

It wasn't until I took a hard look, not just at my finances, but at all parts of my life, that I realized how unhappy I’d become with my hermit lifestyle. So, I bit the bullet and signed the contract on a much more expensive (albeit much bigger) apartment in Brighton. My dream house would have to wait.

Perhaps this wasn't the most sensible financial decision. Perhaps Martin Lewis is cursing my name right now for frittering away my money on a property I don't own. But after two weeks in my new home, I know this was the right decision. Not only has my emotional well-being improved, but moving to a city also meant I was able to get rid of my car (a significant source of stress for me over the years) and save just as much money as before.

Improving Your Financial Well-being

Achieving financial well-being can be tricky, and it won't look the same for everyone. So, take an honest look at your money and ask yourself these questions:

"What are my priorities?"

Whether it's going on regular trips abroad, living alone, or retiring early, consider what matters most and brings you joy. Once you've established your priorities, you can weed out any expenses that might be getting in the way.

"What are my personal and financial goals?"

Many people don't have the luxury of saving money. But if you can, think about what you'd like your life and finances to look like in six months, a year, five years, and so on. Planning for the future can help you to avoid spontaneous spending that only brings short-lived satisfaction and that you may well regret later down the line.

"How can I achieve these goals on my budget?"

Chances are, reaching your financial goals will take some compromise. Perhaps you'll need to adjust your timeline, or cut down your costs. Start small, and remember to be realistic with your budget – being too strict with yourself could cause "future you" to burnout or even spend more out of rebellion!

"Am I happy?"

Most importantly, remember that your current happiness is just as important as your future. Does your lifestyle and spending allow you to enjoy your life? Or is money-related guilt weighing you down?

Many people struggle to take control of their finances out of shame or fear of being judged. But author of "Real Life Money" and financial coach Clare Seal believes that shame has no place in a healthy relationship with money, "...we are all so much more than what we earn, what we own and what we owe."

How do you balance your financial and emotional well-being? Share your stories and ideas in the comments section, below.

The post Financial Well-being: Balancing Money and Mental Health appeared first on Mind Tools.

Obviously, none of these methods are healthy. And perpetuating these stereotypes does nothing to help men find an outlet without feeling overshadowed by judgment.

Men are just as prone to anxiety, depression and emotional difficulties as women. While it can be hard to be vulnerable, particularly if you’ve had a lifetime of experience shutting your feelings down, it's important to find ways to deal with your feelings in a healthier way.

The Dangers of Suppressed Emotions for Men

Suppressing your sadness and anxiety affects men in more ways than many people realize. In addition to being an underlying cause of anxiety, depression and other mental health disorders, suppressing emotions such as anger can impact your thinking and behavioral patterns, and disrupt relationships. It can also lead to physical problems such as:

• Increasing the risk of blood pressure
• Heart complications
• Headaches
• Migraines
• Digestive problems

Keeping a lid on negative emotions can also increase the risk of addiction. Men suffer more from substance abuse and dependence than women do, but they "tend to enter treatment later in the course of addiction," observes wellness writer, Hannah Friedman. "This may be because there is greater stigma attached to the idea of seeking help among men than there is among women. That stigma is isolating and extremely harmful. As a result, men may feel it's better to suffer in silence than it is to get the help they need and deserve."

Talk It Out

From work commitments and family issues to money worries and health concerns, there are many reasons why you might be experiencing negative emotions. 

Talking to someone about what’s bothering you, whether it’s a family member, a friend you trust or a licensed therapist, can really help in offloading some of the weight that these worries can place on you.

In my own experience, talking therapies have helped people function better in everyday life and can provide you with the coping strategies to deal with negative emotions in a healthier way.

Give Yourself a New Focus

One of the less healthy ways that many men handle their emotions is through alcohol and drugs. But when you self-medicate to cope with challenges in your everyday life, it can become a crutch that you depend on whatever life throws at you. 

Finding a stress-relieving hobby or activity that gives you a new focus when things feel too much can be really helpful in helping men manage their emotions without relying on harmful substances. It might be taking up a new sport, going for a run, reading or playing music, or cooking. These are outlets you can turn to when your emotions feel heavy, that aren’t going to impact your health in a negative way.

Develop Benign Attention

Benign attention stems from mindfulness meditation, and there’s a growing body of research that suggests it can help with stress, anxiety and negative emotions such as anger.

This method encourages you to sit with your emotions, whatever they are, without judgment or shame and simply observe them. Over time, you develop the ability to recognize when you’re feeling something without it causing suffering. 

For men who struggle to know how to handle their feelings, this creates space between you and your emotions. You can observe them with a level of impartiality, which enables you to respond rather than react.

Learn From the Past

Identifying the ways that grief, loss, sadness or anger have made you feel in the past, and the events or situations that caused those emotions, can help you to prepare for the future. 

Journaling is a great way to spot these patterns. There’s no set way of journaling, so whether you choose to write short, snappy points, long personal entries or draw your thoughts, they’re all valid and can really help in breaking down the problem, so you can get to the root of the issue.

Final Thoughts

We all struggle with negative emotions from time to time, but for men there are societal expectations that can make tackling these thoughts harder. Identifying healthy ways to cope with stress and anger, anxiety or depression, will ensure that you don’t fall into the habit of relying on harmful practices like substance abuse, lashing out or physical altercations.

About the Author:

Chris is a passionate mental health and wellbeing writer and psychologist, focusing on sharing his experience and improving the lives of others. When Chris isn't researching the latest holistic and wellbeing therapies, he's spending time with his two cats, usually curled up on the sofa reading a book.

The post How Men Can Manage Negative Emotions in a Healthy Way appeared first on Mind Tools.

Last year, a quarter of Americans reported feeling loneliness for much of their day. And now, while many offices have reopened in the wake of the pandemic, working from home is still the norm for most of us who are able to work remotely. This means we're missing out on valuable watercooler chats in the office, carpooling with old friends, and meeting new co-workers in person. Working from home certainly has its perks, but it sure can be lonely.

It's no surprise, then, that the theme for this year's Mental Health Awareness Week in the U.K. (coinciding with Mental Health Awareness Month in the U.S.) is loneliness.

Effects of Loneliness

Loneliness can have a hugely negative impact on our lives, at home and at work. It's one of the HALT Risk States, meaning it can undermine your performance and trigger self-sabotage.

Prolonged loneliness will take its toll on your mental health and can lead to depression, anxiety and increased stress. It can even harm your physical health, too. And it's a vicious cycle – feeling lonely can further isolate someone because of the stigma attached to it.

But one country that seems to have banished workplace loneliness is Sweden. How? With a tasty tradition called fika.

What Is Fika?

You've probably heard of "fika" before, as multiple café chains use it in their names.

Fika is defined as "a break from activity during which people drink coffee, eat cakes or other light snacks, and relax with others." (Oxford English Dictionary)

Introduced in the 1900s, fika is a deeply rooted tradition in Sweden. So much so that many Swedish firms now have mandatory fika breaks. It allows workers to slow down and socialize. Fika breaks usually take place at 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. in the workplace, but Swedes also take them out of office hours. They consider it an important and beneficial part of their daily lives.

And the proof is in the pudding! Swedish workers are some of the least stressed and most productive in the world. Many believe that this is thanks to the country's fika tradition.

So how can we take inspiration from Sweden?

How to Deal With Loneliness

Here are some ways that fika can inspire us to combat loneliness, whether working remotely or in the office.

Coffee Buddies

When lockdown forced us to close the office and start working from home, I was anxious about the change. I'm a creature of habit and had grown fond of the office and, even more so, the office dogs. A few weeks will be fine, I thought. But once it became clear that the Coronavirus wasn't going to "blow over in a couple weeks," and that working from home would be the new normal, I worried for my working relationships and feared missing out on news from other teams. Like everyone else, I soon started to miss my friends and co-workers (and the office dogs, of course!) and loneliness became my housemate.

My employer responded well to the pandemic, and set up a "coffee buddies" program. Each fortnight, I would be paired with someone else from the company and we would be prompted to set up a virtual meeting to have a chat and get to know one another. There was no time limit, so we could go at our own pace and enjoy the virtual company. I loved meeting colleagues new and old, and it certainly made me feel less lonely in lockdown.

Create a Culture of Connecting

There are lots of other initiatives that workplaces can instill to build a connected company culture and keep employee loneliness at bay. For example, why not start a chess tournament or book club?

These can easily be set up online or in the office, and allow you and your co-workers to learn a new skill, or spend time doing what you love. And it helps the business – employees who play hard, work hard.

Practice Random Acts of Kindness

It has been found time and time again that being kind makes us happier.

So, if you suspect someone might be suffering from loneliness, invite them to a fika break! A quick check-in that they're OK will defend you from loneliness, too. Or, could you try volunteering in your local community? This gives you the chance to meet new people, and boost your self-esteem.

A little kindness goes a long way – for everyone.

Get Comfortable Being Alone

In Sweden, it would be frowned upon to decline a fika invitation without a good reason. But socializing should be done on your own terms. A coffee break with a colleague isn't the perfect solution to everyone's loneliness, after all. However, fika is as much about taking the time to slow down as it is about socializing.

It may sound counterintuitive to embrace being alone when you experience loneliness, but it can be empowering. I've enjoyed trips to the cinema, dinners out, and even holidays alone before. And I think they made me more resilient to lockdown loneliness.

By choosing to spend some time alone, you protect yourself from burnout and hurry sickness. It allows time for reflection and rest. I think often we're afraid of solitude, but it can be nice in small doses.

Final Thoughts on Fika

It's important that employees feel able to take the time out of their working day to build connections. Building relationships with co-workers will not only improve employee well-being, but it will also help to break down silos and enhance collaboration.

I hope other workplaces can take inspiration from Sweden and encourage their teams to slow down and connect with one another this Mental Health Awareness Week.

So what are you waiting for? Grab a coffee, a cake and a willing colleague!

The post Beating Loneliness With Fika: Sweden's Fix for Happier Workforces appeared first on Mind Tools.

"The new dawn blooms as we free it. For there is always light if only we’re brave enough to see it, if only we're brave enough to be it."

Amanda Gorman, National Youth Poet Laureate

Generally, we know the word "hope" as a feeling that things will work out or that an event or experience will turn out for the best. Many people characterize hope as an emotion.

Hope, the concept of having hope and living in hope are also strongly represented in most major religions and holy books. Many teach their followers that there is always hope and the possibility that things will change when you call on a higher power.

A Story of Hope

I love stories about people who have overcome adversity or, against the odds, survived life-threatening situations. The common thread that runs through all these stories, is hope.

Recently, I heard the story of four American rock-climbers – Tommy Caldwell, Beth Rodden, John Dickey, and Jason Smith – who were taken hostage in Kyrgyzstan in August 2000 while on a rock-climbing expedition.

During their six-day ordeal, the climbers thought during one incident, that soldiers from Uzbekistan saw them and their hostage-takers. Beth Rodden, only 20 at the time, was convinced that the soldiers had noticed her. She thought they'd realize that they were being held against their will, and would come and rescue them. That single moment gave Beth hope – and the strength to carry on when she was weak, dehydrated and numb with fear.

After the climbers had tried to plot an escape from their captors for days, two of the captors left to find food. Seizing the opportunity, Tommy Caldwell pushed the third captor off a cliff (he survived the fall), they escaped and were then rescued by Uzbek soldiers.

Our Relationship With Hope

During my post-graduate studies, I learned to use ecometric assessments as a diagnostic tool in therapy. Many people are familiar with psychometrics – the measure of personality for diagnostic purposes. Ecometrics has to do with the quantification of the degree of balance between people and their environment. It focuses on the way people adapt to their environments.

All elements in an ecometric assessment are measured on two levels: how a person feels about it on the inside, and what they display externally. One of the constructs we measure is the degree to which a person feels hopeful or hopeless, and how much it reflects in their behavior.

Balancing Hope and Hopelessness

Here's the interesting thing: there needs to be a balance between the two. If hopefulness (positive expectation) is absent or very low, we know that a person is in danger of becoming depressed and/or experiencing feelings of despair.

However, if a person's hopelessness (negative expectation) scale measures zero, it's very likely that the person has unrealistic expectations or that they've disconnected from reality.

One part of the equation keeps us grounded, the other gives us buoyancy. In the case of the rock climbers, having hope kept them going. Not having an unrealistic hope that they'd escape unharmed while being guarded by three armed men with nothing to lose, kept them alive.

Defining Hope

I mentioned earlier that many people understand hope to be an emotion. But is it purely something we feel? Or does it perhaps equal actions driven by certain emotions?

The concepts of hope and forgiveness intrigued the positive psychologist, C. R. Snyder (1944–2006). He published numerous articles and six books about the impact hope has on people's lives.

Snyder's Hope Theory posits that hope consists of three parts, namely: goals, pathways, and agency. These parts all have one thing in common: an element of doing. Let me explain:

• Setting a goal means deciding (not wishing) to achieve a particular desired result within a certain time frame. It usually entails writing it down in detail, drawing up action plans and deciding how to measure your progress.
• Pathways refer to figuring out different ways to achieve your goals. This implies having a flexible mindset so that if one way doesn't work, you'll think of and develop an alternative way of reaching your goal.
• The ability to make choices that will help you to achieve your goals and feeling that you have control over your actions and their consequences, gives you agency.

Although this shows that hope is mostly a cognitive function, there is also a part of hope that can't be boxed and labeled so neatly.

I've often described the intangible feeling of hope as "the champagne bubbles in my heart." There's nothing logical about that! That has, in part, been learned, and I'm probably also genetically programmed to be hopeful and optimistic.

The four rock climbers had to have had the feeling of hope. However, they did not sit back and just hope that a miracle would happen. They had a goal, pathways and agency – even in the face of a situation that they had little control over.

When and Why We Need Hope

In life, all of us will experience two types of events: situations we can control and situations we can't. We mainly become acquainted with hope through adversity – we get to know it intimately when we struggle. But that doesn't mean that it has no function in good times.

When things are easy and we feel in control, having hope increases our intrinsic motivation, enhances our performance, and helps us to view setbacks as temporary challenges, not permanent roadblocks. It also has a positive influence on our overall life satisfaction and general wellbeing.

Viktor E. Frankl, an Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor imprisoned in four different death camps, wrote about his relationships with hope in his book "Man's Search for Meaning."

One of the messages I took from this book is that in difficult and desperate times, you must find a) something to focus on that will help you feel purposeful and, b) something you can control. Having purpose gives you hope, and having hope increases your will to be purposeful and your ability to make meaning of what is happening to you.

If you don't have hope in difficult times, there's a real danger of moving into a zone of hopelessness, helplessness, and despair. If today is horrible and you believe that all your tomorrows will be the same as today, what's the use of trying to think or do differently?

Hope will make you look for a way to overcome this despair and escape the bad situation you find yourself in. What, for example, would have happened to the four climbers if they sank into total despair and had no hope? Would they even have tried to make a plan?

Bad Hope

Hope is to the heart what oxygen is to the lungs, so how then can there be "bad" hope?

"Good" hope is a realistic feeling of belief and optimism. "Bad" hope is an unrealistic, broken crutch that supports magical thinking.

Giving another person false hope because you don't want the truth to hurt them or giving yourself false hope by being in denial will only cause more hurt and confusion down the line.

In his book, Viktor Frankl wrote about prisoners who believed that the war would end at a certain date – without any logical reason or evidence. They gave themselves and others false hope. He witnessed, more than once, how the passing of these mystical dates and the continuation of war, caused some people to give up all hope and die within a few days.

Giving and Getting Hope

We give others hope by sharing the good parts and difficult parts of our own stories and how we overcame adversity. We gain hope by listening and understanding what's possible for ourselves.

Offering your support and letting a person know they're not alone is another way of giving hope. You gain it by showing vulnerability and allowing yourself to rely on others' support.

Sometimes, simply holding space for someone and sitting with them in their pain, will give them hope. You can gain hope by accepting the connection and space that you're being offered.

Giving hope can be taking one step at a time to achieve a goal. Gaining hope can be completing that next step you need to take to achieve your goal.

What Hope Means to Me

Hope is the first drops of rain on parched earth after a searing drought.

Hope is having a head full of ideas – it's making plans, asking for help, learning new skills.

Hope is smiling through my tears.

Having Hope – Motivator, Comfort or Curse?

During Friday's #MTtalk Twitter chat, we discussed how hope can make a positive or negative impact, depending on how you use it. Here are all the questions we asked, and some of the best responses:

Q1. What do you see in your mind's eye when you hear the word "hope"?

@SoniaH_MT When I hear the word "hope", my mind's eye sees someone gazing up toward the clouds in a wishful manner.

@Midgie_MT I see smiling faces, twinkling eyes, sunshine and happy faces, or at least the anticipation of being happy.

Q2. How does hope motivate you?

@MindfulLifeWork Hope motivates me, as it inspires a vision of possibility... it acknowledges the truth that not all potentialities are actualized. When engaged with skillfully, hope for me is a call to action to get to work in the here and now.

@SarahH_MT Hope motivates me by keeping me in a positive frame of mind. Even in challenging times hope serves to remind me that "this too will pass."

Q3. How does hope comfort you?

@CaptRajeshwar It's like a farmer in the desert after seeing few black clouds in the distance...

@MikeB_MT I associate hope with another "h" word, humanity. I'm comforted by the humanity, grace, and joy I see and experience in the world. This gives me hope and comforts me.

Q4. What are the dangers of hopelessness?

@HloniphileDlam7 Failure to try. Being dead while alive.

@Yolande_MT Hopelessness also points to a lack of purpose and meaning. Your days become endless, relentless deserts of nothing.

Q5. In your opinion, why is too much hope unhelpful?

@lg217 Too much hope is unhelpful because then you believe that in time everything will be ok and feel that you don't have to do anything and just let time pass by. The problem with that is you could be waiting a very long time and as a result, your life will pass you by.

@hopegovind Too much hope makes you dependent on things. It will not force you to do your duty.

Q6. Why shouldn't you give someone false hope? Or is it sometimes justified?

@ColfaxInsurance False hope is kind of like lying. There are situations where telling someone the truth (no matter how painful it could be) is better than trying to give them hope for something unrealistic or too out of reach

@MarkC_Avgi Giving someone false hope, particularly in you or what you may do for them, is almost being deceptive, particularly if you know that their hope is them counting on something to happen, when it actually may not.

Q7. Which people, places, or things give you hope? Why?

@Midgie_MT People who give me hope are those friends who have had their challenges and come through them. Places are when I swim in the sea because afterwards I have the feeling that everything is all right in the world!

@SoniaH_MT Watching children ages 2-8 interact purely with each other without toxic, preconceived notions gives me a regular reminder that there's hope for the world.

Q8. What has made a difference for you: feeling hope, or taking action because of it?

@Yolande_MT Taking action because I have hope. However, sometimes I find/ get/ gain hope because I took action. Chicken or egg much?

@JKatzaman Hope without action is a spectator sport.

Q9. How does sharing your hopes with others help build relationships?

@MindfulLifeWork Sharing our hopes makes them social and relational, and doing so is an act of courage, of vulnerability. This creates bridges to others, but also a bridge to ourselves regarding our accountability to our own dreams. Build lots of bridges!

@llake There's a community in collective hope. Also, what you hope for may not be the right thing in the perspective of what someone else needs.

Q10. How might you help yourself or others reframe a situation to have hope?

@Dwyka_Consult Be open-minded, "open-hearted" and present. Give the gift of acceptance. Ask gentle questions.

@SarahH_MT Bringing positivity to the relationship can in and of itself make other people feel more hopeful. Helping people put their thoughts into perspective, asking them what they are hopeful about and thinking about tangible actions can all help.

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat over here.

Coming Up

Have you ever been unhappy at work and hoped that things would get better? Our next chat is about fitting in vs. belonging. In our Twitter poll this week, we'd like to know how you feel about fitting in or belonging in your current workplace.

Resources

Note that you will need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full.

The ABC Model

Self-Discipline

Top 10 Personal Morale Boosters

Managing Post-Traumatic Growth

Gable's Four Responses to Good News

Managing Your Career

Dweck's Fixed and Growth Mindsets

Optimism

Rethinking Positive Thinking

Ben-Shahar's Happiness Model

Intentional Change Theory

The post Having Hope: Motivator, Comfort or a Curse? – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.